Piniella Fitted for Cubs Jersey; “Fire Lou Piniella!” Fitted for Three Years of Sarcasm and Despair

CHICAGO–Five interviews and six hundred meals later, Chicago Cubs’ general manager Jim Hendry’s search is at an end. Hendry has sat down and interviewed five potential managers for the opening left after the departure of Dusty Baker: Joe Girardi, Bob Brenly, Lou Piniella, Pat Listach, and Mike Quade. The Cubs have announced that Piniella will be their manager in 2007.

Hendry’s choice is expected to cause intrascrotal hematomas in many long-suffering Cubs fans.

After a lengthy interview process, many fans thought Girardi would be the perfect fit for the Cubs, but Hendry appears to have prioritized experience over intelligence. “What has Girardi done?” Hendry asked. “Sure, our payroll is expected to increase next year more than the entire payroll of the Marlins this year, and Girardi had them in the Wild Card hunt, but what does that mean? That we should cut the payroll to $15 million? You might be on to something,” Hendry spewed.

After the Cubs’ experience with Dusty Baker, Game Six of the 2003 NLCS, the last week of 2004, and all of 2005 and 2006, this hiring was expected to be Hendry’s most important. After indicating an initial interest in Bruce Bochy, Hendry never bothered contacted the Padres about conducting an interview with the popular San Diego manager.

One bright side to the Cubs’ hiring of Piniella is the continued existence of “Fire Lou Piniella!” The site is expected to expose Piniella’s shortcomings from Day One of his tenure with the Cubs, much to the delight of the site’s creator, Bad Kermit. “Oh, I’m thrilled,” Kermit said. “If you’re not suffering along with no hope, you’re just not a Cubs fan. This hiring will give the site years and years of great material,” Kermit said.

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2 Responses to “Piniella Fitted for Cubs Jersey; “Fire Lou Piniella!” Fitted for Three Years of Sarcasm and Despair”


  1. 1 Lazaro October 17, 2006 at 2:45 pm

    C’mon now, Sweet Lou is worth it at least for his epic meltdowns… You know you can’t wait until he throws his first bag around the infield, admit it now!

  2. 2 badkermit October 17, 2006 at 3:00 pm

    Anyone who gets that riled up about Devil Ray baseball can’t accurately be called “balanced.”


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Who is Lou offending today?

Ozzie Guillen, mang.

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Lou! Hot as a Kerry Wood fastball.

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