TSN’s Mike Berardino Does Line of Blow, Pens Article

The Sporting News’ “expert” reporter Mike Berardino suggests that Lou Piniella might be the Cubs’ version of Jim Leyland. Berardino comes out with gems like this:

Piniella’s track record made him the top catch on the market this fall.

Not only does he report to duty with 1,519 career victories in 19 seasons, he has pulled off quick turnarounds before.

I pulled out the trusty old calculator and divided 1,519 victories by 19 seasons, and came out with about 80 victories/season. For perspective, Dusty Baker had 840 victories in 10 seasons before coming over the Cubs. That averages out to 84 victories/season. Go ahead and say, “But, Bad Kermit! Dusty had the best player in baseball when he managed the Giants!” And I say to you, “Wrong. Dusty had the second best player in baseball for most of his time with the Giants. Piniella had the best player in baseball in Ken Griffey, Jr. Piniella also had A-Rod, Steroid Boone, Edgar Martinez, Randy Johnson, Jay Buhner, etc., etc., while Dusty’s second best player was a motorcycle daredevil with a pornstache. Now, go make me a sandwich, imaginary devil’s advocate.”

Berardino lays another turd:

With Piniella, it’s simple: If you spend money and give him players, he’ll give you a winner.

So, Piniella is the MLB’s answer to Phil Jackson. Thanks, Mike. If you spend enough money, I can give you a winner, and I come a lot cheaper than Piniella.

More great reporting by Berardino:

OK, so the homecoming in Tampa Bay didn’t work out, but the former ownership didn’t hold up its end of the bargain, either.

Yes, so let’s brush off the time in his career when he actually had to manage, and blame it on the Tampa Bay ownership. Care to explain how the ownership “didn’t hold up its end of the bargain, either” or do you just want to make a sweeping statement and leave it hanging there? If Piniella didn’t know what he was getting into in Tampa Bay, he’s an idiot.

Free agent center fielder Juan Pierre is another top priority.

Juan Pierre was about as useful to the Cubs this year as a book is to Paris Hilton. He had a hollow 200 hits, only started hitting when the Cubs were hopelessly out of contention, sucked at stealing bases, and steadfastly refused to take a walk or see more than 3 pitches per at-bat. Resigning Pierre should be on Hendry’s priority list right about here:

1098. Resign Jeff Fassero

1099. Resign Juan Pierre

1100. Start wearing thong

So, in answer to your question, Mike:

Jim Leyland had an obvious and immediate impact with the Tigers this year, so why can’t Lou Piniella do the same with the Cubs in 2007?

Because Lou Piniella sucks.

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Who is Lou offending today?

Ozzie Guillen, mang.

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Lou! Hot as a Kerry Wood fastball.

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The Bottom 126 Cubs of My Lifetime

1. Todd Hundley

2. Neifi Perez

3. Alex Gonzalez

4. LaTroy Hawkins

5. Fred McGriff

6. Corey Patterson

7. Mel Rojas

8. Jeff Blauser

9. Antonio Alfonseca

10. Juan Pierre

11. Shawn Estes

12. Felix Heredia

13. Julian Tavarez

14. Kyle Farnsworth

15. Mark Prior

16. Kent Mercker

17. Moises Alou

18. Dave Veres

19. Jose Macias

20. Lenny Harris

21. Jose Hernandez

22. Jacque Jones

23. The Unnamed Pitchers of the 90s

24. Freddy Bynum

25. Jerry Hairston, Jr.

26. Scott Williamson

27. Tony Womack

28. Andy Pratt

29. Will Ohman

30. Phil Nevin

31. Jeff Fassero

32. Ronny Cedeno

33. Brant Brown

34. Roosevelt Brown

35. Jason Dubois

36. Wade Miller

37. Mark Guthrie

38. Sergio Mitre

39. Juan Cruz

40. Gabor Paul II Bako

41. Ryan Dempster

42. Mike Remlinger

43. Glendon Rusch

44. Nomar Garciaparra

45. Gary Matthews, Jr.

46. Matt Clement

47. Gary Gaetti

48. Bobby Hill

49. Benito Santiago

50. Jerome Williams

51. Roberto Novoa

52. David Kelton

53. Todd Wellemeyer

54. Shane Andrews

55. Darrin Jackson

56. Frank DiPino/Terry Francona

57. John Mabry

58. Curtis Wilkerson

59. Hee Seop Choi

60. Cesar Izturis

61. Rick Wilkins

62. Jon Garland

63. Augie Ojeda

64. Jerome Walton

65. Jae Kuk Ryu

66. Todd Hollandsworth

67. Karl "Tuffy" Rhodes

68. Willie Greene

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76. Steve Buechele

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78. Rey Ordonez

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