ST. LOUIS–In His first public appearance since appearing on earth as His only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, God addressed the media Monday, three days after the St. Louis Cardinals defeated the Detroit Tigers in Game 5 of the World Series 4-2, clinching the pennant for the Cardinals.
“I just wanted to come down congratulate the Cardinals on their World Championship,” God said, as the reporters present averted their eyes, making them unable to see God’s “GO CARDS” t-shirt.
When asked if He was a Cardinals fan, God said, “I am who you say I am. Did you have any doubt? I mean, come on. Jeff Weaver? David Eckstein? I also love the White Sox.”
“I created the World Series, and I saw that it was good, despite the ratings,” God said, as several reporters wept from the beauty of His Creation.
One reporter suggested that God should not play favorites among the Major League Baseball teams, as all people are equal in His eyes. “You are all my chosen people, made with my love in my own likeness, except you, you, and you,” God replied, pointing to the three Cubs fans in the room. “In fact, who hath let you in here?” God asked.
God offered one bit of advice to the Cubs fans before he had them escorted from the room by the angel Gabriel. “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors’ trophy,” God said.