SAN DIEGO–The San Diego Padres, having won the National League West Division in each of the last two seasons, plan to interview Dusty Baker for their managerial opening, which was vacated after Bruce Bochy took a job with the San Francisco Giants.
The move is thought to coincide with the Padres’ desire to play only 162 games per season.
“Hey, we don’t get paid overtime for the playoffs,” Padres right fielder Brian Giles said. “I’ll take my $47,325 per game, thank you,” Giles said, using the corner of a $100 bill to pick a sunflower seed out of his tooth.
Catcher Mike Piazza expressed a similar desire to stay within the 162-game limit. “As a catcher, my knees hurt badly enough after 10 games,” Piazza said. “Plus, have you seen my wife? I don’t have time to be playing extra games,” Piazza said, handing “FLP!” the creased and wadded picture below.
Quit trying to pretend you’re not gay, Mike.
Former Cub and current Padre, Todd Walker, was exasperated to hear the news that Baker was to be interviewed. “FLP!” caught up with Walker in a bell tower 1000 yards from the offices of Padres general manager Kevin Towers with a clear line of vision between the bell tower and Towers’ open office window. “The Cubs had a similar philosophy about the playoffs,” Walker said, assembling what appeared to be some sort of complicated camera equipment. “I’ll be damned if I’m going to play for that @$$hole again,” Walked finished, before flushing out his right eye with saline solution.
Wherever Baker ends up, at least the players on his team can count on not missing any October tee times.