DETROIT–The Detroit Tigers made a deal with the New York Yankees to bring Gary Sheffield to Detroit in exchange for three pitching prospects. The Cubs were rumored to be interested in trading three pitching prospects for Sheffield, as well. The deal was shot down by the Yankees, however, when it was revealed that the three pitchers whom the Cubs were offering–the last three in the minor league system–had been traded to the Florida Marlins last winter for Juan Pierre.
We’ll always remember you for the McDonald’s commercial. That, and the six walks you took in a Cubs uniform.
Jim Hendry’s offseason is off to a great start, having already missed out on the opportunity to upgrade his outfield with the slugging racist Sheffield, and having been outbid by $37M to $44M by the Boston Red Sox for the opportunity to negotiate with Japanese right-hander Daisuke Matsuzaka.
Up next on Hendry’s offseason agenda is to continue ignoring Aramis Ramirez’s agent, Paul Kinzer, until the Ramirez issue “just goes away.” Hendry then plans on underbidding for the services of Barry Zito, Jason Schmidt, Gary Matthews, Jr., J.D. Drew, and Carlos Lee, eating a meatball grinder, and then signing Todd Hollandsworth and Moises Alou to patrol the Cubs outfield “for old times’ sake.”
When asked for comment about the quick start to the offseason plans, Hendry forced recently-resigned pitcher Wade Miller to throw a fastball at a group of reporters while Hendry disappeared into a Krispy Kreme. “Fire Lou Piniella!” will cover that story as soon as the fastball reaches the reporters.