Twelve More Shopping Days Until Christmas

To help put a smile on the face of your favorite Cubs fan this holiday season, “Fire Lou Piniella!” has assembled a list of last-minute great gift ideas from the MLB.com shop. Enjoy!

Scapegoat

Jason Marquis Jersey. Be the first on your block to sport the jersey of the inevitable 2007 Cubs scapegoat, Jason Marquis! Won’t your favorite Cubs fan look clever sitting next to those other #21’s in the stands with “Sosa” on the back? That was sooooo 1998.

Worse than death?

All-Star Lineup Chicago Cubs “I’m the Star” Personalized Print. What could possibly be worse than watching the 2006 Cubs season? Well, pretending you were a part of it, of course! Imagine yourself about to get a pat on the shoulder from a Photoshopped Derrek Lee, a half-dressed Mark Prior, an angry Neifi Perez, and a strangely well-lit Aramis Ramirez! Are you in my head reading my fantasies, MLB.com?

Nose-Mar Jersey

Nomar Nike Throwahead 2018 Jersey. Remember those 105 games Nomar was a Cub? You don’t? Well, do you imagine a post-apocalyptic world in which the Cubs wear Nike jerseys? No? Nothing? Well, I’m sure you won’t have to pay more than $63 for this thing, right? You will? Hey, Merry Christmas!

Cubs Polo (I guess?)

Cubs (?) Polo. Do you have a loved one embarrassed to be a Cubs fan? You do? Then this Cubs polo is the perfect gift idea! Let your loved one show his Cubs allegiance without wearing any Cubs colors, logos, or any other indication that this polo is, in fact, related to the Cubs or Major League Baseball in general! Does the “C” stand for “Cubs” or “chic”? Or possibly “Cincinnati”? Each polo even comes with its own water stain on the front! Act now!

Juan Pierre Knucklehead

Juan Pierre Knucklehead. Have you ever wondered what Juan Pierre would look like if he were a serial rapist? If the answer is “yes,” then MLB.com has just the gift for you! Surprise your loved one with this delightful knucklehead doll!  His clenched fist and his baseball bat show Juan means business.  And his business is sodomy. Don’t turn your back on this offer! In fact, don’t turn your back on this toy at all!

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Who is Lou offending today?

Ozzie Guillen, mang.

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Lou! Hot as a Kerry Wood fastball.

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Older Posts

The Bottom 126 Cubs of My Lifetime

1. Todd Hundley

2. Neifi Perez

3. Alex Gonzalez

4. LaTroy Hawkins

5. Fred McGriff

6. Corey Patterson

7. Mel Rojas

8. Jeff Blauser

9. Antonio Alfonseca

10. Juan Pierre

11. Shawn Estes

12. Felix Heredia

13. Julian Tavarez

14. Kyle Farnsworth

15. Mark Prior

16. Kent Mercker

17. Moises Alou

18. Dave Veres

19. Jose Macias

20. Lenny Harris

21. Jose Hernandez

22. Jacque Jones

23. The Unnamed Pitchers of the 90s

24. Freddy Bynum

25. Jerry Hairston, Jr.

26. Scott Williamson

27. Tony Womack

28. Andy Pratt

29. Will Ohman

30. Phil Nevin

31. Jeff Fassero

32. Ronny Cedeno

33. Brant Brown

34. Roosevelt Brown

35. Jason Dubois

36. Wade Miller

37. Mark Guthrie

38. Sergio Mitre

39. Juan Cruz

40. Gabor Paul II Bako

41. Ryan Dempster

42. Mike Remlinger

43. Glendon Rusch

44. Nomar Garciaparra

45. Gary Matthews, Jr.

46. Matt Clement

47. Gary Gaetti

48. Bobby Hill

49. Benito Santiago

50. Jerome Williams

51. Roberto Novoa

52. David Kelton

53. Todd Wellemeyer

54. Shane Andrews

55. Darrin Jackson

56. Frank DiPino/Terry Francona

57. John Mabry

58. Curtis Wilkerson

59. Hee Seop Choi

60. Cesar Izturis

61. Rick Wilkins

62. Jon Garland

63. Augie Ojeda

64. Jerome Walton

65. Jae Kuk Ryu

66. Todd Hollandsworth

67. Karl "Tuffy" Rhodes

68. Willie Greene

69. Michael Tucker

70. Damon Berryhill

71. Jon Leicester

72. Mitch Webster

73. Curtis/Tom Goodwin

74. Jody Gerut

75. Jim Sundberg

76. Steve Buechele

77. Darren Lewis

78. Rey Ordonez

79. Marvell Wynne

80. Tyler Houston

81. Amaury Telemaco

82. Kevin Roberson

83. Damian Jackson

84. Doug Dascenzo

85. Ismael Valdez

86. Matt Karchner

87. Jeff Huson

88. Jose Nieves

89. Ross Gload

90. Chad Hermansen

91. Luis Salazar

92. Mike Hubbard

93. Delino DeShields

94. Matt Lawton

95. Howard Johnson

96. Rondell White

97. Turk Wendell

98. Ray King

99. Gary Scott

100. Steve Rain

101. Kevin Orie

102. Rey Sanchez

103. Francis Beltran

104. Paul Noce

105. Enrique Wilson

106. Ruben Quevedo

107. Damon Buford

108. Brooks Kieschnick

109. Damian Miller

110. Scott Bullett

111. Rick Aguilera

112. Chad Meyers

113. Gary Varsho

114. Jason Bere

115. Troy O'Leary

116. Chico Walker

117. Rick Wrona

118. Leo Gomez

119. Chris Stynes

120. Dan Plesac

121. Robert Machado

122. Julio Zuleta

123. Todd Zeile

124. Chad Fox

125. Adam Greenberg

126. Sandy Martinez

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