To help put a smile on the face of your favorite Cubs fan this holiday season, “Fire Lou Piniella!” has assembled a list of last-minute great gift ideas from the MLB.com shop. Enjoy!
Jason Marquis Jersey. Be the first on your block to sport the jersey of the inevitable 2007 Cubs scapegoat, Jason Marquis! Won’t your favorite Cubs fan look clever sitting next to those other #21’s in the stands with “Sosa” on the back? That was sooooo 1998.
All-Star Lineup Chicago Cubs “I’m the Star” Personalized Print. What could possibly be worse than watching the 2006 Cubs season? Well, pretending you were a part of it, of course! Imagine yourself about to get a pat on the shoulder from a Photoshopped Derrek Lee, a half-dressed Mark Prior, an angry Neifi Perez, and a strangely well-lit Aramis Ramirez! Are you in my head reading my fantasies, MLB.com?
Nomar Nike Throwahead 2018 Jersey. Remember those 105 games Nomar was a Cub? You don’t? Well, do you imagine a post-apocalyptic world in which the Cubs wear Nike jerseys? No? Nothing? Well, I’m sure you won’t have to pay more than $63 for this thing, right? You will? Hey, Merry Christmas!
Cubs (?) Polo. Do you have a loved one embarrassed to be a Cubs fan? You do? Then this Cubs polo is the perfect gift idea! Let your loved one show his Cubs allegiance without wearing any Cubs colors, logos, or any other indication that this polo is, in fact, related to the Cubs or Major League Baseball in general! Does the “C” stand for “Cubs” or “chic”? Or possibly “Cincinnati”? Each polo even comes with its own water stain on the front! Act now!
Juan Pierre Knucklehead. Have you ever wondered what Juan Pierre would look like if he were a serial rapist? If the answer is “yes,” then MLB.com has just the gift for you! Surprise your loved one with this delightful knucklehead doll! His clenched fist and his baseball bat show Juan means business. And his business is sodomy. Don’t turn your back on this offer! In fact, don’t turn your back on this toy at all!