With no one left to replace Juan Pierre,
Cubs G.M. Jim Hendry’s looking everywhere.
He’s searched the free agency wire near and far.
He’s searched every sandwich shop, liquor store, bar.
“Andruw Jones is untouchable!” John Schuerholz has said.
Move Jacque Jones to center? Why, I’d rather be dead!
Pie’s been bad so far this offseason,
So what’s Hendry thinking? What is his reason?
Pie flashes leather, he runs like the wind,
And he slipped Jim a bottle of some finely-aged gin.
“The outfield defense,” said Jim, “Has bad hands.
“With Matt, Alf, and Jones firing balls into the stands.
“We’ll bring in a speedster, a young guy, a rookie!
“A guy who doesn’t mind some bamdazzledy zookie!
“I’ll play him in center! I’ll play him in right!
“I’ll play him in day games and even at night!
“This youngster will be beloved in this town!
“And if not, we’ll trade him for that one guy Brant Brown!”
We’ll see how unfolds this fairy tale story.
Let’s just hope that Felix doesn’t end up like Korey.