CHICAGO–The Cubs plan on hiring an assistant G.M. to help take the pressure off Jim Hendry. “Fire Lou Piniella!” received a copy of the ad expected to be placed in the local papers.
WANTED: Motivated individual to assist with the general management of the Chicago National League Ball Club. Individual must be motivated, enthusiastic, dedicated, and unaware of any events which have occurred in the world for the past 98 years. Bullpen building skills not necessary. Responsibilities include bathing G.M., feeding G.M., helping G.M. get Jacque Jones out of town, and holding G.M. when he cries over Ryan Dempster’s contract. Experience in bidding against oneself a plus. Great incentives until the Tribune gets sold! Send resume and two dozen Krispy Kremes to 1060 W. Addison, ATTN: J. Hendry, Chicago, IL 60613