CHICAGO–New Cubs manager Lou Piniella will meet his pitchers and catchers for the first time as a group on February 14, 2007, when they are required to report to training camp in Mesa, Arizona.
After an initial verbal beating from Piniella, the catchers will go through some light stretches and cardiovascular activities. The pitchers will undergo various surgeries on a wide variety of different body parts, after which they will be placed in bubble wrap and stored in that room at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark until the start of the 2007 season. The only pitcher to be excluded from the treatment will be Jason Marquis, who will be shipped to St. Louis in a box reading “RETURN TO SENDER.”
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