WASHINGTON, D.C.–Robert Fick, who achieved notoriety during the 2003 NLDS when he maliciously slapped at the wrist of Cubs first baseman Eric Karros, has agreed to a minor league contract with the Washington Nationals. The deal came after Fick was told by the Minotaur that the seventh circle of hell was “all full up.”
Violent offender. Probable sodomite.
Fick had been condemned to the river Phlegethon after his dastardly act against Karros, but there was no room for him in the river of blood. Fick was instead sent back to earth to suffer the second-worst punishment for his violent deed. He will now toil away in the Nationals’ minor league system, reminded every day that he is not as good as Brian Schneider.