Dante Bichette Lobbying Hall of Fame Voters; Seriously

DENVER–Imagine a world where Tony Gwynn, Cal Ripken, and Dante Bichette are in the same Hall of Fame class. Can’t imagine it? Okay. Pull back a little bit and imagine a world where Dante Bichette is in the Hall of Fame. Still tough? Pull back a little bit more and imagine Dante Bichette getting a single vote for enshrinement in baseball’s Hall of Fame. Still nothing? How about imagining Dante Bichette being allowed to visit the Hall of Fame. Getting closer? No? Okay, imagine a world where you will ever mention Dante Bichette’s name again without referencing this article. There we go.

Dante Bichette

“Yo, Castilla, did you just fart?”

Dante Bichette thinks he deserves to be in Cooperstown. (wait for laughter to die down before suggesting campaign slogan “Bichette. The Best a Man Can Get”) That’s right. Dante Bichette. A guy whose best numbers outside of his Coors-inflated totals were 23 homers and 90 RBI with Cincinnati and Boston in 2000. A guy who could have his own blooper reel filled with his wacky misadventures in the outfield.

If Bichette’s former teammate Larry Walker is considered a borderline Hall of Famer, then Bichette isn’t even close. Walker did everything better than Bichette, and if his Coors-inflated numbers aren’t good enough for the Hall, Bichette’s aren’t even good enough for my hall. The one right outside of my bathroom. After I ate eggs and drank Old Style all day.

By the way, keep your fingers crossed for Andre Dawson. The dude deserves to be in the Hall, and turds like Joe Morgan are keeping him out.

EDIT: I just noticed that Bichette sort of looks like Bertier from Remember the Titans. Yes?



5 Responses to “Dante Bichette Lobbying Hall of Fame Voters; Seriously”

  1. 1 Wrigleyville December 27, 2006 at 2:45 pm

    Well, he did have 274 home runs and 1,906 hits – just 226 and 1,094 short of automatic entry on either one.

    Other than that, he’s a lock.

  2. 2 badkermit December 27, 2006 at 4:50 pm

    Ah, you’re invoking the Mr. 3000 theory. Interesting…

  3. 3 Wrigleyville December 27, 2006 at 7:43 pm

    Just as a benchmark to adequately measure Bichette’s mania. Or egomania.

  4. 4 badkermit December 28, 2006 at 10:56 am

    I have a buddy who’s a Rockies fan, who hates Bichette at a Neifi-esque level. Christ, I just realized he had to watch them both in the same lineup for a while. And that lineup was managed by Don Baylor. My poor friend.

  5. 5 Wrigleyville December 28, 2006 at 12:30 pm

    Very bad. Very, very bad. We go to Nationals games and were subjected to Nick Johnson (who can’t catch a ball) and Brad Wilkerson in the same lineup for the first year. Drove one of my friends absolutely batty.

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