Grace to Attend Cubs Convention; Convention Ticket Sales Rise 400% in “Fat Chick” Demographic

CHICAGO–Former Cub first baseman Mark Grace, the hits leader of the 90’s and one of the more popular Cubs in franchise history is back in the fold, according to the Daily Herald, more than six years after the Cubs unceremoniously parted ways with Grace following the 2000 season.

According to Barry Axelrod, Grace’s agent, Grace had been invited to the annual Cubs Convention since his departure from the Cubs, but had disinclined to acquiesce to the Cubs’ invitation until this year.

According to Axelrod, Grace, now the color commentator for the Arizona Diamondbacks, was in a bit of a broadcasting slump toward the end of the 2006 season. “Gracie had gone 0 for his last 36 witty comments. He didn’t get one laugh during that stretch,” Axelrod said. “He was talking to me about ways to shake off the funk, and he started reminiscing about his old days in Chicago, and he said that he could always find a slumpbuster in that town,” Axelrod explained awkwardly. “When the Cubs came calling, it seemed like a perfect opportunity.”

Gracie’s Formula for Slumpbusting

0 for 14?  Bring me a fatty!


“No fat chicks?”  More like “Yes! fat chicks!”


It was worth it!

Moments after the announcement, ticket sales for the convention skyrocketed. The increase was due to a swell of purchases by many of the heavier members of Chicago’s female population.

The Cubs expect to see a similar increase in ticket sales after tomorrow’s announcement that there will be free pastries provided from 8:00 a.m. until 10:00 a.m. each morning of the convention.


1 Response to “Grace to Attend Cubs Convention; Convention Ticket Sales Rise 400% in “Fat Chick” Demographic”

  1. 1 Sosa Too Fat for Japanese Ball; Grace Puts Sosa on Speed Dial « Fire Lou Piniella! Trackback on January 12, 2007 at 4:11 pm

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The Bottom 126 Cubs of My Lifetime

1. Todd Hundley

2. Neifi Perez

3. Alex Gonzalez

4. LaTroy Hawkins

5. Fred McGriff

6. Corey Patterson

7. Mel Rojas

8. Jeff Blauser

9. Antonio Alfonseca

10. Juan Pierre

11. Shawn Estes

12. Felix Heredia

13. Julian Tavarez

14. Kyle Farnsworth

15. Mark Prior

16. Kent Mercker

17. Moises Alou

18. Dave Veres

19. Jose Macias

20. Lenny Harris

21. Jose Hernandez

22. Jacque Jones

23. The Unnamed Pitchers of the 90s

24. Freddy Bynum

25. Jerry Hairston, Jr.

26. Scott Williamson

27. Tony Womack

28. Andy Pratt

29. Will Ohman

30. Phil Nevin

31. Jeff Fassero

32. Ronny Cedeno

33. Brant Brown

34. Roosevelt Brown

35. Jason Dubois

36. Wade Miller

37. Mark Guthrie

38. Sergio Mitre

39. Juan Cruz

40. Gabor Paul II Bako

41. Ryan Dempster

42. Mike Remlinger

43. Glendon Rusch

44. Nomar Garciaparra

45. Gary Matthews, Jr.

46. Matt Clement

47. Gary Gaetti

48. Bobby Hill

49. Benito Santiago

50. Jerome Williams

51. Roberto Novoa

52. David Kelton

53. Todd Wellemeyer

54. Shane Andrews

55. Darrin Jackson

56. Frank DiPino/Terry Francona

57. John Mabry

58. Curtis Wilkerson

59. Hee Seop Choi

60. Cesar Izturis

61. Rick Wilkins

62. Jon Garland

63. Augie Ojeda

64. Jerome Walton

65. Jae Kuk Ryu

66. Todd Hollandsworth

67. Karl "Tuffy" Rhodes

68. Willie Greene

69. Michael Tucker

70. Damon Berryhill

71. Jon Leicester

72. Mitch Webster

73. Curtis/Tom Goodwin

74. Jody Gerut

75. Jim Sundberg

76. Steve Buechele

77. Darren Lewis

78. Rey Ordonez

79. Marvell Wynne

80. Tyler Houston

81. Amaury Telemaco

82. Kevin Roberson

83. Damian Jackson

84. Doug Dascenzo

85. Ismael Valdez

86. Matt Karchner

87. Jeff Huson

88. Jose Nieves

89. Ross Gload

90. Chad Hermansen

91. Luis Salazar

92. Mike Hubbard

93. Delino DeShields

94. Matt Lawton

95. Howard Johnson

96. Rondell White

97. Turk Wendell

98. Ray King

99. Gary Scott

100. Steve Rain

101. Kevin Orie

102. Rey Sanchez

103. Francis Beltran

104. Paul Noce

105. Enrique Wilson

106. Ruben Quevedo

107. Damon Buford

108. Brooks Kieschnick

109. Damian Miller

110. Scott Bullett

111. Rick Aguilera

112. Chad Meyers

113. Gary Varsho

114. Jason Bere

115. Troy O'Leary

116. Chico Walker

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125. Adam Greenberg

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