TORONTO–Let the Airing of Grievances begin. Recently-signed Toronto Blue Jay pitcher John Thomson laid into New York Mets catcher Paul Lo Duca, citing Lo Duca’s poor game calling as the reason Thomson signed with the Jays rather than the Mets. Thomson also took a shot at the Mets’ outfield:
As far as just looking at Paul Lo Duca across the field, I’m not really into how he acts behind the plate. I know a bit about [Toronto catcher] Gregg Zaun and I know he wants to win and he’s not going to let anything get in his way to do that, and I like that. And then with Vernon Wells in center field, I’m not really concerned about the outfield with him out there. … Just watching the Mets’ outfield, if Cliff Floyd is still there it’s not a real good fit for him out there. He can hit the ball, but as far as defense, he’s a little shaky.
I’m normally not one to condone criticizing other players, particularly when you’re only making $500,000 a year in a market where Jason Marquis is getting paid to pitch. Real money. Possibly some of my money.
In this case, I will make an exception, though, since Paul Lo Duca (and every other Met) is a douchebag.
Thomson’s bold statements touched off an Airing of Grievances on the North Side which has not been seen since Lee Elia’s famous tirade.
Fire Lou Piniella! was lucky enough to have a transcript of Lou Piniella’s Airing of Grievances. Here are some of the excerpts:
On the ushers at Wrigley. How the hell did that Mick Donough find enough people around during the last time the Cubs won the series to hire an entire ushering staff?
On the Bleacher Bums. What the hell is with all these frat boy c@#$suckers sitting in the bleachers with their polo collars up in the air and their aviator sunglasses? Christ, you’d get your ass kicked if you wore that sh@# in the bleachers back when I was playing. Not by the other fans, but by the players. We’d climb up into the stands in the middle of a play just to beat your sissy little a$$es.
On Cesar Izturis. Christ, don’t get me started on what’s wrong with this guy. Is it possible to have a negative on base percentage? Good glove, no-hit my f@#$ing a$$. And what the f@#$ is up with his ears? I don’t know whether to pencil him into the starting lineup or hop on his back and drive him home from the game.
On Jim Hendry. Did you know there are three guys on this fata$$’s 40-man roster named Rocky Cherry, Clay Rapada, and Buck Coats? Where the f@#$ is he finding these guys? Rocky Cherry is a f@#$ing ice cream flavor, for f@#$’s sake! No. Worse that that. It’s a frozen f@#$ing yogurt flavor. No, worse. It’s a f@#$ing frogurt flavor. Clay Rapada? Wasn’t that the a$$hole who was banging the fat black guy on that singing show? And I’m pretty God damn sure that I’ve seen Buck Coats in a few pornos.
On large contracts. Holy s@#$ did you see the kind of money Soriano got? And that Zito kid? Christ, in my day we played for our meals. If you didn’t get a hit that day, you didn’t eat. F@#$, we should put that fat-a$$ Ohman on that diet. “If you can’t get out the one God damn lefty we make you face in a game, you don’t eat, you fat f@#$.”
Cubs players could not be reached for comment, as Piniella had sent them all on a search for an aluminum Festivus pole. The players are expected to attend tomorrow’s Feats of Strength, where they will take turns trying to pin Piniella in a wrestling match.