#119: Chris “The Butcher” Stynes

Chris Stynes was impotent at the plate with the Cubs in 2002. Don’t get me wrong. But what led to more “Why the f@#$ is Chris Stynes playing third base?” moments was his glove. At least, I think he was wearing a glove. They wouldn’t have let him take the field without a glove, right?

Everyone in the first base stands, DUCK!
This glove came with a free Yo-Cream!

Stynes was an absolute butcher in the field. Every ground ball was an adventure. Stynes helped a team give away runs which absolutely couldn’t afford to give away runs. He had the Todd Walker defense and shave without the Todd Walker ability to make contact with a pitched baseball.

Low Point: May 1, 2002, when Stynes struck out looking twice in an eventual 4-3 loss to the San Diego Padres.

Did You Know? Stynes was one of the original “Dirt Dogs,” the use of which nickname eventually led to the devolution of Red Sox fans.

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8 Responses to “#119: Chris “The Butcher” Stynes”


  1. 1 al January 22, 2007 at 11:10 am

    dont forget about his goofy ass stance

  2. 2 badkermit January 22, 2007 at 2:05 pm

    Duly noted. Stynes, if you’re reading this, your stance was also ridiculous.

  3. 3 Tinker to Evers to Chance January 22, 2007 at 4:29 pm

    I have a feeling there will be definitely a few third basemen on this list.

  4. 4 badkermit January 22, 2007 at 5:25 pm

    They’re just such easy targets.

  5. 5 Carlos January 24, 2007 at 4:58 pm

    I remember that Stynes developed into a 100-rating player on Sega World Series Baseball 2003.

  6. 6 Bad Kermit January 24, 2007 at 5:05 pm

    Stynes would have been better off in a Mario Bros. game. Every time Mario whips a fireball into the ground two feet in front of him, I think of Stynes.

  7. 7 Jesus April 12, 2007 at 7:24 pm

    Stynes was a fantastic player in Cincinatti and Boston. You guys are all just jelous of his ability. He would have found his stride in Chicago if he didn’t have to play behind Mark Bellhorn. Stynes is the single greatest player of all time. And his stance was just precious. And so was his hot air balloon, and his broom, both of which he occasionally flew on, up to his home on the moon.


  1. 1 #78: “Death” Rey Ordonez « Fire Lou Piniella! Trackback on March 7, 2007 at 10:57 am

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The Bottom 126 Cubs of My Lifetime

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