Baker Inks 2-Year ESPN Deal; Will Serve as Analysist, Therapist

BRISTOL, Conn.–Former Cubs manager Dusty Baker finalized a two-year contract with ESPN last week to serve as an analyst and therapist for traumatized athletes who have been booed in their home stadiums. Baker will be ESPN’s first analysist/therapist.

Dusty Baker, M.D., Analrapist

Baker’s new business card.

Baker’s contract includes an out clause which allows teams interested in running young pitchers into the ground, constructing idiotic lineups, and playing washed-up veterans over promising rookies to contact him as a managerial candidate. The clause is not expected to be exercised.


8 Responses to “Baker Inks 2-Year ESPN Deal; Will Serve as Analysist, Therapist”

  1. 1 David Cross January 30, 2007 at 7:58 am

    Stop stealing my jokes!!!

  2. 2 Bad Kermit January 30, 2007 at 9:44 am

    Just trying to keep you in the mainstream, Dave. Just trying to keep you in the mainstream.

    And here’s your attribution:

  3. 3 Flem January 30, 2007 at 3:35 pm

    Oh, sweet, another Chicago transplant that will drone on and on about Midwestern sports on ESPN. If it’s not a story on the Cubs’ failure to win a World Series in a century, it’s a profile on Peyton Manning or a fluff job on Charlie Weis and Notre Dame football. What about the Yanks and Red Sox? Hello!? Best rivalry in sports over here!

  4. 4 Bocaj Enitsugua January 31, 2007 at 7:18 pm

    i loooove Arrested D….do you, oh maker of this great site, love it too?

  5. 5 Bad Kermit February 1, 2007 at 9:33 am

    I feel like the guy behind the curtain.

    Arrested Development is probably the best American comedy I’ve ever seen. The writing is just brilliant, and Gob Bluth may be my favorite TV character of all time.

    Oh, and welcome aboard, Phlegm.

  6. 6 Bocaj Enitsugua February 1, 2007 at 8:26 pm

    True dat foo’….i can tell by your posts that you have a godly sense of humor and you need that too enjoy AD, too bad its genius was overlooked. btw i think i have a man crush on ya haha

  7. 8 Bocaj Enitsugua February 1, 2007 at 11:34 pm

    who ate my fucking hard-boiled eggs!?!…oh micheal…

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