With Football Season Officially Over, Piniella Gets in Line for His Chance to Disappoint Chicago

CHICAGO–Soon after the Bears’ season ended with a Super Bowl loss to the Indianapolis Colts, the Cubs began preparations for the next soul-crushing, mind-blowing sports season ending in Chicago.

“I was watching the game Sunday night thinking about what a let-down the Bears’ play was for the city of Chicago,” new Cubs manager Lou Piniella said. “I thought to myself, ‘How can we possibly crush their spirits any more?'”

Piniella came up with some ideas. “Well, we’re going to try to hang around with the Cardinals until late September,” Piniella said. “But we’re going to do it in annoying fashion. Like from September 14-16, we have 3 games against the Cardinals in St. Louis, which we plan on sweeping to give us a 2-game lead in the NL Central. But then we plan on losing the next 6 to the Reds and Pirates, so we’re 2 games behind the Cardinals going into the final week. I expect that final game [on September 30] against the Reds will be pivotal, and I am already planning to start Jason Marquis that game, no matter who is up in the rotation.”

Piniella had some other devious plans for the season. “Expect [Mark] Prior to start the season 10-1 with a 2.14 ERA. But don’t expect to see him in August. Let’s just say, I wouldn’t set your Tivo’s for the All-Star Game unless you want to have a good cry.”

To-Do in 2007

A sample from Piniella’s 2007 calendar.


4 Responses to “With Football Season Officially Over, Piniella Gets in Line for His Chance to Disappoint Chicago”

  1. 1 domer.mq February 5, 2007 at 2:28 pm

    Dude, you’re totally selling the Bulls short.

  2. 3 Irish Yankee February 5, 2007 at 3:01 pm

    What is that castle? Why does Lou like it so much?

  3. 4 Bad Kermit February 5, 2007 at 3:04 pm

    It’s King’s College, because I couldn’t find a 2007 kitten calendar.

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Ozzie Guillen, mang.

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The Bottom 126 Cubs of My Lifetime

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3. Alex Gonzalez

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6. Corey Patterson

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26. Scott Williamson

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28. Andy Pratt

29. Will Ohman

30. Phil Nevin

31. Jeff Fassero

32. Ronny Cedeno

33. Brant Brown

34. Roosevelt Brown

35. Jason Dubois

36. Wade Miller

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38. Sergio Mitre

39. Juan Cruz

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