#105: Enrique “Mayor Goooooooldie” Wilson

Enrique Wilson. You sucked so badly in only 22 at-bats as a Cub that you pissed me off enough to be a part of this list.

You sucked so badly, that even New York’s answer to Mark Prior (Chicago’s Mr. Glass) knocked you on your ass.



Look at you.

Fool you twice, shame on you, suckas.

Fooled you, fools. Also, I farted.

You look like you’re trying not to smile, because you fooled everyone into thinking you were an actual Major League Baseball player.

A team like the Yankees was able to keep you around because you hit Pedro Martinez well, Enrique, but the Cubs couldn’t afford having a guy like you on the roster. Particularly not with Johnny B. Baker managing the team. Putting you on a 25-man roster managed by Dusty is like leaving a sugar-coated gun next to a swingset next to a pool with no fence around it. And the pool is next door to a children’s rehabilitation center which specializes in trying to wean kids off of sugar-flavored guns.

Good Lord, Enrique. I can’t get over the fact that you were ever on a Cubs roster. Thank you for retiring before Jim Hendry had a chance to resign you for the 2006 season. Thank you.

Low Point: Honestly, Enrique, it has to be May 17, 2005, the day you signed with the Chicago Cubs. I remember hearing about the signing and thinking, “Has it really come to this?”

Did You Know? Had the Yankees won Game 7 of the 2001 World Series, Wilson would have departed to the Dominican Republic on the deadly American Airlines Flight 587. Yankees closer Mariano Rivera says that he is happy that he blew the save in game 7 because that way he still has a friend (Wilson). Looks like Darwin swung and missed just like you did so many times, Enrique. Thanks, Wikipedia.


4 Responses to “#105: Enrique “Mayor Goooooooldie” Wilson”

  1. 1 TG February 8, 2007 at 3:15 pm

    I remember when Dusty played him against the Yankees because he had experience playing in Yankee Stadium. That was fun.

  2. 2 Bad Kermit February 8, 2007 at 3:32 pm

    Dude, you gotta let him take his rips at that short porch in right.

  3. 3 Flem February 8, 2007 at 3:44 pm

    Thank you for that Pavano/Wilson pic. What’s going on there? A tag at first base? The best part is that it looks like Enrique is trying to escape on a tricycle which was later cropped out of the photo.

  4. 4 Bad Kermit February 8, 2007 at 4:12 pm

    There’s actually not even a game going on. I also like the invisible hitman about to take Pavano out with piano wire.

    I just noticed the white patch on Wilson’s right cheek has grown in his time from the Yankees to his time with the Cubs. He should call Dr. Martin van Nostrand and get that thing checked out.

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The Bottom 126 Cubs of My Lifetime

1. Todd Hundley

2. Neifi Perez

3. Alex Gonzalez

4. LaTroy Hawkins

5. Fred McGriff

6. Corey Patterson

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8. Jeff Blauser

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10. Juan Pierre

11. Shawn Estes

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15. Mark Prior

16. Kent Mercker

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20. Lenny Harris

21. Jose Hernandez

22. Jacque Jones

23. The Unnamed Pitchers of the 90s

24. Freddy Bynum

25. Jerry Hairston, Jr.

26. Scott Williamson

27. Tony Womack

28. Andy Pratt

29. Will Ohman

30. Phil Nevin

31. Jeff Fassero

32. Ronny Cedeno

33. Brant Brown

34. Roosevelt Brown

35. Jason Dubois

36. Wade Miller

37. Mark Guthrie

38. Sergio Mitre

39. Juan Cruz

40. Gabor Paul II Bako

41. Ryan Dempster

42. Mike Remlinger

43. Glendon Rusch

44. Nomar Garciaparra

45. Gary Matthews, Jr.

46. Matt Clement

47. Gary Gaetti

48. Bobby Hill

49. Benito Santiago

50. Jerome Williams

51. Roberto Novoa

52. David Kelton

53. Todd Wellemeyer

54. Shane Andrews

55. Darrin Jackson

56. Frank DiPino/Terry Francona

57. John Mabry

58. Curtis Wilkerson

59. Hee Seop Choi

60. Cesar Izturis

61. Rick Wilkins

62. Jon Garland

63. Augie Ojeda

64. Jerome Walton

65. Jae Kuk Ryu

66. Todd Hollandsworth

67. Karl "Tuffy" Rhodes

68. Willie Greene

69. Michael Tucker

70. Damon Berryhill

71. Jon Leicester

72. Mitch Webster

73. Curtis/Tom Goodwin

74. Jody Gerut

75. Jim Sundberg

76. Steve Buechele

77. Darren Lewis

78. Rey Ordonez

79. Marvell Wynne

80. Tyler Houston

81. Amaury Telemaco

82. Kevin Roberson

83. Damian Jackson

84. Doug Dascenzo

85. Ismael Valdez

86. Matt Karchner

87. Jeff Huson

88. Jose Nieves

89. Ross Gload

90. Chad Hermansen

91. Luis Salazar

92. Mike Hubbard

93. Delino DeShields

94. Matt Lawton

95. Howard Johnson

96. Rondell White

97. Turk Wendell

98. Ray King

99. Gary Scott

100. Steve Rain

101. Kevin Orie

102. Rey Sanchez

103. Francis Beltran

104. Paul Noce

105. Enrique Wilson

106. Ruben Quevedo

107. Damon Buford

108. Brooks Kieschnick

109. Damian Miller

110. Scott Bullett

111. Rick Aguilera

112. Chad Meyers

113. Gary Varsho

114. Jason Bere

115. Troy O'Leary

116. Chico Walker

117. Rick Wrona

118. Leo Gomez

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120. Dan Plesac

121. Robert Machado

122. Julio Zuleta

123. Todd Zeile

124. Chad Fox

125. Adam Greenberg

126. Sandy Martinez

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