The 2007 Cubs Convention ended almost 3 weeks ago, but don’t tell that to Gene Wojciechowski, who finally got around to weighing in with his thoughts on the Convention. Don’t bother reading it. I’ll sum it up:
- Piniella promised some crazy old man wearing a license plate that the Cubs will be a good fundamental club.
- Gene: “I felt the worst for the little kids, their eyes filled with innocent wonder as they waited happily in line for autographs and photo ops with their favorite players. You wanted to pull them aside and gently explain that there are less painful hobbies than following the Cubs, such as plunging knitting needles into your inner ear canal.” So, Gene wanted to abduct children at the Convention and encourage them to mutilate themselves? I’m calling To Catch a Predator.
- Gene: “This was the first year the passes featured the blue, block-lettered W on the front, in honor of the “Win” flag flown at Wrigley Field after a victory. Last season, that flag flew a grand total of 66 times, the third-lowest number in the majors.” I would guess that 66 is by far the highest number of times a team flew a white flag with a blue, block-lettered W on the front after a victory, actually. You fail your own article, Gene.
- Gene: “ That’s why Piniella is here, and Dusty Baker now works for ESPN.” Yes, Gene. He works WITH YOU at ESPN. You are going to have some seriously awkward run-ins with Dusty in the cafeteria.
- Gene: “Who knows if this [spending] is going to work?” Clearly not you. Why did you write this article again?
- Gene says that the fans Simon Cowell’ed the front office. How clever.
- Gene references Old Style. He knows his target audience so well!
- Gene finishes the article with the stale stories that you read three weeks ago. You know. When the Convention was going on. And he takes a shot about the Cubs fans being skeptical because the team is nearing its “second 100-year rebuilding plan.”
Whenever I read an article like this, I have a seizure. But then, when I calm down, I think of the scene from Animal House when Otter says, “He can’t do that to our pledges,” and Boon says, “Only we can do that to our pledges.” Get bent, Gene, and leave the mocking of the Cubs to those who truly understand them.