Farewell, Jeff Fassero. May your days be as long as your 38-pitch innings. May your nights be as quiet as Wrigley Field after you blow a five-run lead. May the road always rise to meet you, like a mediocre hitter’s bat meeting your fastball and driving it out of the park. May your fortunes be as many as your chins, and may you live as many years as your ranking on the Bottom 126.
The thing I’ll remember most about Jeff was his obsession with bubble gum. That and the horrible pitching.