Chalk Ray King’s appearance on this list up to a combination of 10.7 sucky innings as a Cub followed by a pretty good career as a left-handed reliever. It’s his own fault that two of his best years came as a Cardinal. Also his fault is that the Cubs traded him to Milwaukee for Doug Johnston. I’m not entirely sure who Doug Johnston is, but I have a feeling he might be this guy: Also King’s fault is that he is incredibly fat.
Ray King; Not pictured: Double Whopper with cheese
You know what else pisses me off about Ray King? No? Well, you’re about to. The fact that the back of his head melded directly into the fat rolls on the back of his neck. Who the hell has fat rolls on the back of their neck? Okay, enough about Ray King’s grotesque appearance. On to a more tangible reason he sucks.
Low Point: Other than this announcement, King’s low point as a Cub was in his second appearance. On July 2, 1999 against the Phillies, King came in for mop-up duty in the bottom of the 7th. And mop-up he did. King gave up some singles, some walks, and just for good measure threw in a 2-run and a 3-run homer. King’s line? .1 IP, 4 H, 5 ER, 2 BB, 2 HR. His ERA after two Cub outings? 54.00. Jerk.
Did You Know? Despite over 500 career games, King has only two saves and has yet to start a game. Also, despite over 50,000 career Whoppers, King has had only two heart attacks and has yet to start a diet.