What’s up, my uglies? Time for another Friday Roundup courtesy of the nut-swingingest manager in the Majors! Be careful getting out of those hot tubs, you yuppie assholes, and listen up:
- I beat some sense into Zambrano with a rubber hose, so now he wants to stay in Chicago. He doesn’t want to “accidentally” fall down any more steps, do you, Carlos?
- It was so cute watching Wade Miller and Prior throw bullpen sessions with each other. Almost as cute as watching Zambrano and that prick catcher on the White Sox playing grabass in the commercial they filmed together. Maybe those four homos can braid Samardzija’s hair.
- Self-fellating douchebag Dan McNeil hides in his basketball article this little nugget: the boys are placing bets on when I’ll blow up. Who had February 16, you smug little c@#$suckers?! I’m going to make your lives a living hell today! Oh, and Dan McNeil is not one to be making fun of Scott Eyre’s weight. Does it even matter which of the three disgusting slobs is McNeil?
- The Cub Reporter points out that we have an Eyre-sized assload of lefties on this team, and Goat Riders points out that it might be good that that overrated sissy Zito isn’t one of them.
- Some idiot in the NY Times writes an article that all but calls me nuts. Which one is the NY Times again? Is that the one everyone calls a tabloid, or the one that everyone says is written by egotistical assholes? I can never keep those two straight. Anyhow, read the article for some nice parting shots directed at that brainless idiot Baker.
Well, I gotta make the boys run wind sprints till they puke. It’s good to be back at camp, you little internerds.
-Sweet Uncle Lou