Sweet Uncle Lou’s Diary: February 17, 2007

All right. I’ve already had it with this shit.

Oh, for fuck’s sake, NO ONE remembered to bring a ball?

Thanks to Wrigleyville23 for sending me the lovely picture of myself.

God, I’m pissed at this team already. Here’s why:

• Dempster ain’t gonna cut it as a closer. He even admits that he let himself turn into a fat piece of crap at the end of last year. And they would have had a better chance with an actual fat piece of crap on the mound instead of him at the end of the year.
• I cut Samardzija’s hair in his sleep, although he’ll never admit it. Come on. He looked like a ninny.
• MLB’s Playing Rules Committee made some changes in the rule book for this year. Good to see they didn’t add a “No beating the snot out of your own pitcher in the bottom of the 7th inning of a one-run game after he issues 3 straight walks” rule. I have plans for Zambrano.
• Local imbecile Phil Sullivan wrote a headline with the words “Prior” and “shoulder” in it, but without the phrases “shatters into a trillion pieces,” “explodes,” or “used for vigorous masturbation” in it. Amazing.
• Prior says he wants to play. Until he makes his first start, I still say he’s a pansy.
• Sean Marshall is just not taking the hint that we don’t want him in the rotation. Seriously, about 10 guys will have to get hurt for this kid to get a shot, so why does the Muskrat waste her time writing about him? Oh, and Cliff Floyd is using that whole “I feel better than I’ve ever felt in my life” shitty line. That could be because Floyd’s joints throughout the course of his life have consisted mostly of shards of glass.

Anyhow, back to pissing myself off. Christ, have any of these guys ever heard of “taking to a strike”?

-Sweet Uncle Lou