My God do I have a headache, and we haven’t played a single game. The fellas at Wrigleyville23 sent another picture of me.
“There. You see that? When Prior bends over you can totally tell he’s not packing testicles.”
I’m so pissed that I’m starting to wear my hat like a tee-ball coach. You know those guys who wear it like they don’t want it touching any part of their head? That’s me right now. By the way, it looks like Hendry has dropped some weight. I guess having a grabber is a pretty good diet for a guy that normally checks in at 350. Anyhow, here’s what’s going on in Spring Training:
- Everyone has almost arrived at camp, according to Jabba the Hutt. We’re all just waiting on Ramirez and a couple of minor league guys. Hendry’s pissed that Ramirez isn’t here yet, because he was supposed to pick up Krispy Kremes on the way in.
- Local boob Paul Sullivan points out that I’m getting too old for this shit. He also points out that Floyd almost rounded up some of his “homies” and “got medieval” on John Thomson for “talking shit” about Floyd’s “skills.” Is that how the kids are saying it?
- Where the fuck are these guys getting books? If Hill was trying to break into the rotation, admitting that he’s reading Thinking Body, Dancing Mind probably wasn’t a good idea. I wonder if they have any good Broadway shows in Iowa. Pansy.
- It would be wise if Hendry could get this contract with Zambrano done. With Hill prancing around out there and Prior’s elbow bound to snap at any second, we don’t need anymore distractions at camp.
- It must have been a slow news day at the Daily Herald, since this guy couldn’t think of anything to write about other than that he doesn’t like the word “Cubbies.” I wonder if he’d like the phrase “shove it up your assy.”
Well, I gotta get back. Ohman and Eyre are having a milk-chugging competition, and I want to see which one of them pukes first. And I’m going to make him drink it. Ha! Just kidding. I’ll make the other one drink it.
-Sweet Uncle Lou