CHICAGO–Arbitration is scheduled for Tuesday between Carlos Zambrano and the Chicago Cubs. And Arbitration is not happy about it.
“Are you kidding me? I don’t want that lunatic [Zambrano] coming to an arbitration hearing!” Arbitration said in an interview on Monday. “I bet he’s the type who makes his points more emphatic by beating on the conference table,” a shaking Arbitration said. “I just can’t handle that type of abuse.”
“We have a good track record of avoiding Arbitration,” Cubs general manager Jim Hendry said. “There has been no history of Arbitration trying to avoid us, but we’ll see what we can get worked out.”
“Hendry and I had a deal!” a frantic Arbitration yelled. “He didn’t let Farnsworth anywhere near me, and it should be the same for all of these lunatic pitchers! I wouldn’t mind Prior. He probably calmly reads his good qualities from a yellow-lined legal pad and just cries if he doesn’t get his way, but keep Zambrano the hell away from me!”
Arbitration is spending his time between now and tomorrow in his office with the lights off and the blinds closed.