#86: Matt Karchner? “I barely even know her!”

If the Jon Garland for Matt Karchner trade doesn’t stick in your craw, you, sir, have an enormous craw. In late July of 1998 the Cubs were in second place, 3 1/2 games behind Houston, but also 3 games ahead of the Mets in the Wild Card race. They needed an arm. They got a Karchner.

It had to be you.

Whatcha throwin’? A baseball? I like baseball.

The Cubs gave up a young prospect by the name of Jon Garland, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil. He helped the Emperor- Wait. He went on to establish himself as a solid fifth starter, has won 36 games in the past two seasons for the White Sox, and finished 6th in the Cy Young voting in 2005, the year he won his World Series ring.

Karchner, on the other hand, pitched a meager 60.7 innings for the Cubs over 2 1/2 seasons before being released in September of 2000. In case you’re keeping score, that’s 1159.7 innings fewer than Garland has pitched since the trade.

Low Point: NLDS. Game 1. The Cubs get all they can possibly expect out of Game 1 starter Mark Clark, as he goes 6 innings and allows only 4 runs, 2 earned to the slugging Atlanta Braves. Clark walks Braves starter John Smoltz to start the 7th inning. Enter Felix Heredia. Walt Weiss bunts and Smoltz is out at second on a fielder’s choice. The Cubs have hope! Heredia walks the next two, loading the bases with one out.  “Damn you, Felix Heredia!” screams a young Kermit, nervously biting his nails. Enter Matt Karchner. He gets Andres Gallaraga to pop out! Two outs! The Cubs may get out of this one! No, young Kermit. Enter Ryan Klesko. Exit ball. Grand slam. 7-0 Braves. Game (and series) pretty much out of reach.

Did You Know? As recently as 2004, Karchner was the baseball coach at Susquehanna University. I’m impressed that Karchner can spell Susquehanna University.

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11 Responses to “#86: Matt Karchner? “I barely even <i>know</i> her!””


  1. 1 Slaky February 27, 2007 at 10:39 am

    Who says he has to know how to spell? They probably gave him some fancy letterhead to keep handy for recruitin’.

  2. 2 JD, Too February 27, 2007 at 11:39 am

    Where’s Sulleymoon?

  3. 3 Sulleymoon February 27, 2007 at 12:01 pm

    I’m right here.

  4. 4 JD, Too February 27, 2007 at 12:19 pm

    You’re not Sulleymoon. I smell subterfuge wafting off of your post.

  5. 5 CT February 27, 2007 at 12:23 pm

    Yeah, it’s true, I deceived you. But I only did it to make you happy.

  6. 6 JD, Too February 27, 2007 at 12:28 pm

    I forgive you. Your post wasn’t pretentious enough to have come from THE Sulleymoon of NSBB.

  7. 9 Bad Kermit February 27, 2007 at 12:49 pm

    Shut up, Paul. You’re a douche.

  8. 10 Slaky February 27, 2007 at 1:29 pm

    Paul’s here? Finally, FLP is runnin with the big dogs.

  9. 11 Paul Tanner February 27, 2007 at 6:08 pm

    Matt Karchner’s coaching baseball and not reading literature and then going to the park to shout nonsensical ramblings to old people, ducks, dogs and scared children?

    He’s FAILING his country!

    He failed his country, too, in Game 1 of the NLDS.


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The Bottom 126 Cubs of My Lifetime

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