#86: Matt Karchner? “I barely even know her!”

If the Jon Garland for Matt Karchner trade doesn’t stick in your craw, you, sir, have an enormous craw. In late July of 1998 the Cubs were in second place, 3 1/2 games behind Houston, but also 3 games ahead of the Mets in the Wild Card race. They needed an arm. They got a Karchner.

It had to be you.

Whatcha throwin’? A baseball? I like baseball.

The Cubs gave up a young prospect by the name of Jon Garland, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil. He helped the Emperor- Wait. He went on to establish himself as a solid fifth starter, has won 36 games in the past two seasons for the White Sox, and finished 6th in the Cy Young voting in 2005, the year he won his World Series ring.

Karchner, on the other hand, pitched a meager 60.7 innings for the Cubs over 2 1/2 seasons before being released in September of 2000. In case you’re keeping score, that’s 1159.7 innings fewer than Garland has pitched since the trade.

Low Point: NLDS. Game 1. The Cubs get all they can possibly expect out of Game 1 starter Mark Clark, as he goes 6 innings and allows only 4 runs, 2 earned to the slugging Atlanta Braves. Clark walks Braves starter John Smoltz to start the 7th inning. Enter Felix Heredia. Walt Weiss bunts and Smoltz is out at second on a fielder’s choice. The Cubs have hope! Heredia walks the next two, loading the bases with one out.  “Damn you, Felix Heredia!” screams a young Kermit, nervously biting his nails. Enter Matt Karchner. He gets Andres Gallaraga to pop out! Two outs! The Cubs may get out of this one! No, young Kermit. Enter Ryan Klesko. Exit ball. Grand slam. 7-0 Braves. Game (and series) pretty much out of reach.

Did You Know? As recently as 2004, Karchner was the baseball coach at Susquehanna University. I’m impressed that Karchner can spell Susquehanna University.


11 Responses to “#86: Matt Karchner? “I barely even <i>know</i> her!””

  1. 1 Slaky February 27, 2007 at 10:39 am

    Who says he has to know how to spell? They probably gave him some fancy letterhead to keep handy for recruitin’.

  2. 2 JD, Too February 27, 2007 at 11:39 am

    Where’s Sulleymoon?

  3. 3 Sulleymoon February 27, 2007 at 12:01 pm

    I’m right here.

  4. 4 JD, Too February 27, 2007 at 12:19 pm

    You’re not Sulleymoon. I smell subterfuge wafting off of your post.

  5. 5 CT February 27, 2007 at 12:23 pm

    Yeah, it’s true, I deceived you. But I only did it to make you happy.

  6. 6 JD, Too February 27, 2007 at 12:28 pm

    I forgive you. Your post wasn’t pretentious enough to have come from THE Sulleymoon of NSBB.

  7. 9 Bad Kermit February 27, 2007 at 12:49 pm

    Shut up, Paul. You’re a douche.

  8. 10 Slaky February 27, 2007 at 1:29 pm

    Paul’s here? Finally, FLP is runnin with the big dogs.

  9. 11 Paul Tanner February 27, 2007 at 6:08 pm

    Matt Karchner’s coaching baseball and not reading literature and then going to the park to shout nonsensical ramblings to old people, ducks, dogs and scared children?

    He’s FAILING his country!

    He failed his country, too, in Game 1 of the NLDS.

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The Bottom 126 Cubs of My Lifetime

1. Todd Hundley

2. Neifi Perez

3. Alex Gonzalez

4. LaTroy Hawkins

5. Fred McGriff

6. Corey Patterson

7. Mel Rojas

8. Jeff Blauser

9. Antonio Alfonseca

10. Juan Pierre

11. Shawn Estes

12. Felix Heredia

13. Julian Tavarez

14. Kyle Farnsworth

15. Mark Prior

16. Kent Mercker

17. Moises Alou

18. Dave Veres

19. Jose Macias

20. Lenny Harris

21. Jose Hernandez

22. Jacque Jones

23. The Unnamed Pitchers of the 90s

24. Freddy Bynum

25. Jerry Hairston, Jr.

26. Scott Williamson

27. Tony Womack

28. Andy Pratt

29. Will Ohman

30. Phil Nevin

31. Jeff Fassero

32. Ronny Cedeno

33. Brant Brown

34. Roosevelt Brown

35. Jason Dubois

36. Wade Miller

37. Mark Guthrie

38. Sergio Mitre

39. Juan Cruz

40. Gabor Paul II Bako

41. Ryan Dempster

42. Mike Remlinger

43. Glendon Rusch

44. Nomar Garciaparra

45. Gary Matthews, Jr.

46. Matt Clement

47. Gary Gaetti

48. Bobby Hill

49. Benito Santiago

50. Jerome Williams

51. Roberto Novoa

52. David Kelton

53. Todd Wellemeyer

54. Shane Andrews

55. Darrin Jackson

56. Frank DiPino/Terry Francona

57. John Mabry

58. Curtis Wilkerson

59. Hee Seop Choi

60. Cesar Izturis

61. Rick Wilkins

62. Jon Garland

63. Augie Ojeda

64. Jerome Walton

65. Jae Kuk Ryu

66. Todd Hollandsworth

67. Karl "Tuffy" Rhodes

68. Willie Greene

69. Michael Tucker

70. Damon Berryhill

71. Jon Leicester

72. Mitch Webster

73. Curtis/Tom Goodwin

74. Jody Gerut

75. Jim Sundberg

76. Steve Buechele

77. Darren Lewis

78. Rey Ordonez

79. Marvell Wynne

80. Tyler Houston

81. Amaury Telemaco

82. Kevin Roberson

83. Damian Jackson

84. Doug Dascenzo

85. Ismael Valdez

86. Matt Karchner

87. Jeff Huson

88. Jose Nieves

89. Ross Gload

90. Chad Hermansen

91. Luis Salazar

92. Mike Hubbard

93. Delino DeShields

94. Matt Lawton

95. Howard Johnson

96. Rondell White

97. Turk Wendell

98. Ray King

99. Gary Scott

100. Steve Rain

101. Kevin Orie

102. Rey Sanchez

103. Francis Beltran

104. Paul Noce

105. Enrique Wilson

106. Ruben Quevedo

107. Damon Buford

108. Brooks Kieschnick

109. Damian Miller

110. Scott Bullett

111. Rick Aguilera

112. Chad Meyers

113. Gary Varsho

114. Jason Bere

115. Troy O'Leary

116. Chico Walker

117. Rick Wrona

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120. Dan Plesac

121. Robert Machado

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123. Todd Zeile

124. Chad Fox

125. Adam Greenberg

126. Sandy Martinez

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