Santo on Suicide Watch

Former Cubs third baseman Ron Santo came up five votes shy of being inducted by the Veterans Committee into the Hall of Fame.


Santo’s family could not be reached for comment, as they were packing up all of the sharp objects in Santo’s home, cutting all rope into 3-foot lengths, throwing away their toasters, permanently disabling their garage door opener with the door stuck in an open position, and throwing away all DVD copies of This Old Cub.

The Veterans Committee, made up of colossal douchebags like Joe Morgan and Mike Schmidt, did not elect anyone into the 2007 Hall of Fame class. Santo received the most votes (57) of any players on the ballot for 69.5% of the vote. He was 5 votes shy of the requisite 75%.


32 Responses to “Santo on Suicide Watch”

  1. 1 In a nutsack February 27, 2007 at 1:55 pm

    What the hell keeps those old fogie doucheballoons from putting guys like Ron Santo in the Hall. It’s inevetible that he’s enshrined, why does Ronny have to go through this ridiculous cycle year end and year out. It’s maddening…it really is, and the fags that vote on this bologna should receive swift kicks to the half-peas they call nuts.

  2. 2 In a nutsack February 27, 2007 at 1:56 pm

    Please excuse my utter disregard for using question marks in my previous posts…I’m that mad.

  3. 3 JD, Too February 27, 2007 at 2:07 pm

    I like you. You’ve got moxie. You remind me of an old-timey politician. A very angry old-timey politician.

  4. 4 In a nutsack February 27, 2007 at 2:27 pm

    Well, thank you. For my next feat, I’ll attempt to defeat Hillary Clinton in an old-style cock fight to the death.

    But seriously. I can’t understand it. All Ron did was be the best 3B the Cubs have ever seen. Especially considering the revolving door that has been the hot corner in between Santo and E-ramis. And to think, assbags like Barry Bonds will get in on ESPN’s man crush for him alone, but greats like Santo and Andre Dawson are left on suicide watch while hanging labias like Joe Morgan don’t vote them in. Fooey.

  5. 5 Bad Kermit February 27, 2007 at 2:34 pm

    You don’t want to get into a cock fight with Hillary. Hers is like a club.

    “Best 3B the Cubs have ever seen” is sort of akin to “best intrascrotal hematoma.” That’s not to say Santo shouldn’t be in, but comparing him to Steve Buechele and Willie Greene doesn’t really help his case.

  6. 6 In a nutsack February 27, 2007 at 2:43 pm

    Bad Kermit:

    Hillary’s a pittbull…and pittbull’s tend to eat babies and gnaw on the throats of their young. Woof.

    That’s a funny way to look at my statement about being the best 3B the Cubs have ever seen. You also forgot Leo Gomez, Gary Gaetti and Cole Liniak.

  7. 7 Slaky February 27, 2007 at 2:49 pm

    Leo Gomez is #118. Gone, but never forgotten.

  8. 8 In a nutsack February 27, 2007 at 2:56 pm

    I was referring to Bad Kermit’s short list of Steve Beuchelle and Willie Greene…

    Oh, what about Shane Andrews? Yeah…those were the good ole rotten days.

  9. 9 Bad Kermit February 27, 2007 at 2:58 pm

    Oh, we could just go on and on with crappy Cubs third basemen. But then we wouldn’t be supporting them. And this site is all about supporting one another.

  10. 11 JD, Too February 27, 2007 at 3:34 pm

    And Sulleymoon of nsbb.

  11. 12 CT February 27, 2007 at 3:36 pm

    JD, Sulleymoon was never at this blog, and in fact, neither Sulleymoon or nsbb exist.

  12. 13 Slaky February 27, 2007 at 3:39 pm

    Lies CT, those are lies. Sulleymoon spoke to me in a dream. Well, it wasn’t really Sulleymoon. It looked like Kate Winslet. But I just knew it was him. He told me to step into the light. Then I woke up.

    I wonder what would have happened next…

  13. 14 Bad Kermit February 27, 2007 at 3:41 pm

    You would have fixed the cable.

  14. 15 bocaj February 27, 2007 at 3:54 pm

    do u guys do drugs….?

  15. 16 CT February 27, 2007 at 3:59 pm

    Yeah, that was me in the dream too.

    And what would have happened next is I would have told you to lose some goddamn weight.

  16. 17 Bad Kermit February 27, 2007 at 4:15 pm

    No, Bocaj. Why? Should we start?

  17. 18 JD, Too February 27, 2007 at 5:02 pm

    Did Sulleymoon of nsbb say that we should start?

  18. 19 bocaj February 27, 2007 at 5:38 pm

    Well kerms, it may seem that way with your guys’ [fucked up] banter and never-lacking creativity, and if you haven’t been [toking], imagine the possiblilities if you did…

  19. 20 JD, Too February 27, 2007 at 5:49 pm

    I did make out with Aaron Sorkin once, so that would explain the, uh, banter.

    And the herpes. Just a cut, my BALLS!

  20. 21 Slaky February 27, 2007 at 6:38 pm

    How many pots have you smoken?

  21. 22 JD, Too February 27, 2007 at 7:23 pm

    That’s none of your danged business, hippie.

  22. 23 Slaky February 27, 2007 at 7:32 pm

    Have you been looking in my freezer? Not that there are drugs in there. Nothing’s missing either. The food in there just FEELS looked at.

  23. 24 JD, Too February 27, 2007 at 8:06 pm

    You feel your food, too? I like the frozen peas. Put a bag on your crotch and just let it thaw. Trust me.

  24. 25 CT February 27, 2007 at 8:12 pm

    This here is terrible banter. You two should be embarrassed. What if someone from NSBB were to see this? You’ll never make a major league message board this way.

  25. 26 JD, Too February 27, 2007 at 8:20 pm

    This is terrible banter?

  26. 27 bocaj February 27, 2007 at 9:22 pm

    Better than listening to J-Hood

  27. 28 Slaky February 27, 2007 at 10:16 pm

    How did you know we have peas??? Ok, I’m sleeping with the light on. Arkansas my ass.

  28. 29 CT February 27, 2007 at 10:31 pm

    And how do we get peas? With the knife.

  29. 30 Bad Kermit February 28, 2007 at 12:29 am

    All JD is saying is give peas a chance. Wocka wocka wocka!

  30. 31 bocaj February 28, 2007 at 7:23 am

    Stop saying bad jokes, and write a new article BK!

  31. 32 Paul Tanner February 28, 2007 at 9:49 am

    This is a fringe blog. You’re failing your country Bad Kermit. I want some dolphin talk, now!

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