I assume that, when the Cubs acquired Ismael Valdez from the Dodgers in a trade, they thought they were getting the sub-4.00 ERA guy who generally threw around 200 innings and won around 10 games. Perhaps they were forgetting that Dodger Stadium is a more pitcher-friendly park than Wrigley Field, because instead they got these guys:
Okay, can any of you throw a decent slider?
The Dodgers got away from Valdez just in the nick of time (except for the part when the Cubs broke him and traded him back to the Dodgers). The Cubs, on the other hand, got the catastrophic oil spill version of Valdez. Valdez got shelled in the 12 starts he made as a Cub in the summer of 2000, giving up 17 homeruns and 27 walks in those starts while compiling a 5.37. But, hey! At least the Cubs got E.Y. in the Valdez trade, too! Right? Right, guys?
Furthermore, Valdez got more blisters on his hands while pitching than a 14-year-old Josh Beckett wearing sandpaper gloves in a Wisconsin cheese-and-porn shop. The guy’s skin could get rubbed off by a stiff wind. Thanks to Slaky for reminding me of how fragile Valdez’s hands were.
Low Point: When the Cubs score 15 runs against the Montreal Expos, they should win, right? Especially on a day when Damon Buford homers and Henry Rodriguez has 7 RBIs, right? Right? Ismael Valdez says, “NO!” May 14, 2000. Valdez gives up 9 earned runs, 6 walks, and 3 home runs in 3.2 innings against the Expos. Equally nut-crushing was the fact that the Cubs rallied from 2 down in the top of the 9th to take a 2-run lead into the bottom of the 9th. Rick Aguilera came in and promptly gave up 3. Cubs lose 15-16.
Did You Know? Up until the 2004 season, Valdez spelled his last name “Valdes.” You can run from The Bottom 126, Ismael, but you can’t hide.