Sweet Uncle Lou’s Spring Training Diary: February 28, 2007

It’s the last day of February, and you know what that means. No more celebrating black history! Starting tomorrow, I can be as mean to Jacque Jones as I want to be! It’s going to be great! I know you panty-wearers are dying for a diary update, so I won’t keep you.

Novoa ANGRY!

Hey, Jim, thanks for the cool shortstop action figure, but who is seriously going to play short this year?

It’s admirable that Bruce Miles is still flying the “Dempster is the closer not Wood” flag. Wood is ready to go, and I can’t imagine I’d leave Dempster in there for long if he sucks as bad as he did last year. I give it another week until even Miles gives up and realizes that Dempster is about as good at closing as Jason Marquis is at starting. Holy crap, both of those guys are on our roster, aren’t they? Muskrat screwed up another one of my interviews, suggesting that I’m “happy with Dempster.” What I said was, “I’m happy with Dempster bloated and floating face down in a hot tub.” Simple mistake.

Soriano had better hit 40 homers and swipe 40 bases. If that roided up freak show Canseco can do it, Soriano can. By the way, Canseco, how did that 1990 World Series work out for you? Hmm? How was it? Did you and your “butt bash brother” have a nice time? Hmm? Heavily favored going into that Series, weren’t you? What’s that? I couldn’t hear you? “Yes, Coach Piniella, we were heavily favored”? Is that what you said? Who won that Series, anyhow? The Reds? Really? It must have gone seven games, since you were so heavily favored, right? No? Really? Only four games? Wow.

Well, that’s all for me today, kids. You may have noticed less swearing in this installment of my diary. My wife made me give up swearing for Lent. Wait. I don’t think that means I can’t write swears. Cock balls shit. Awesome. See you soon, sluts.

-Sweet Uncle Lou

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8 Responses to “Sweet Uncle Lou’s Spring Training Diary: February 28, 2007”


  1. 1 Apex February 28, 2007 at 1:24 pm

    Howry will be the closer. My friend’s Xbox 360 can predict the future. It also said the Cubs are going to suck this year and next. So I smashed it with my foot. Now it’s not working right and my friend’s pretty pissed. My foot however, is glowing green. While I was sleeping it crept up my girlfriend’s leg and gave her an orgasm, waking me and my dog who was under the covers between her legs watching the whole thing from like an inch away.

    It was bloody wicked.

  2. 2 Slaky February 28, 2007 at 1:54 pm

    Howry as closer = LaFuckstick as closer.

    Bad idea.

  3. 3 Bad Kermit February 28, 2007 at 1:57 pm

    Can we talk about video games over here?

  4. 4 Apex February 28, 2007 at 2:03 pm

    “Howry as closer = LaFuckstick as closer.

    Bad idea.”

    Racist.

  5. 5 Slaky February 28, 2007 at 3:20 pm

    I have only one racial bias. I dislike Mongolians. But it’s a mild dislike.

  6. 6 Bad Kermit February 28, 2007 at 3:29 pm

    Mongolians only pawn in game of life.

  7. 7 CT February 28, 2007 at 4:03 pm

    They’re called Mongols, Slaky.

    Build a fuckin’ wall, you bigot.

  8. 8 Slaky February 28, 2007 at 4:59 pm

    Clearly, we’re talking about different people.


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