Cuban Denies Report That He’s Ready to Bid on Cubs

Wacky billionaire Mark Cuban denied reports which surfaced Wednesday that he is about to make a bid on the Cubs. Cuban, speaking into a microphone powered by Square D, part of the power at Wrigley Field, said that he had “no idea where [the reporters] got their info.”

Yay Cubs!

Mark Cuban is shocked that rumors swirled yesterday about him making a bid to purchase the Chicago Cubs.

“Bloggers these days,” Cuban continued, pausing long enough to whistle the opening bars of Van Halen’s “Jump.” “They’ll pretty much write about any rumor that gets thrown out there.”

“I honestly don’t know why anyone would start such a rumor,” Cuban mused as he sipped an Old Style out of a paper beer cup. “It would be interesting to trace back and find out where rumors like this get started.”

Cuban left the interview early, claiming that he schedules no meetings during his afternoons from 1:20 to 4:30.

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13 Responses to “Cuban Denies Report That He’s Ready to Bid on Cubs”


  1. 1 TDubbs March 1, 2007 at 11:54 am

    I heard that the Mavericks get nice, plush towels for their locker room along with comfy robes b/c Cuban belives in giving his teams the best of everything. I hope the Cubs get those too. There is nothing like improving our already stellar All-Towel Drill team. Prior, Wood, and Wade Miller have to be giddy about this. The sound and feel of a 1,000 count thread towel smacking a brand new glove brings goosebumps.
    I also hope they get Avery Johnson. He is just so adorable.

  2. 2 Bad Kermit March 1, 2007 at 11:56 am

    Don’t forget the high-quality strippers.

  3. 3 TDubbs March 1, 2007 at 12:17 pm

    I thought it was dumb to point out the obvious. Sorry

  4. 4 CT March 1, 2007 at 12:20 pm

    Also, the team could use more Germans.

  5. 5 domer.mq March 1, 2007 at 12:24 pm

    Hey, remember when Van Halen wasn’t old?

    Yeah. Me neither.

  6. 6 Flem March 1, 2007 at 2:26 pm

    Mark Cuban once tried to hook up with my friend Holly Hoffman in L.A. and ended up passed out behind her couch clutching a Pop-Tart. Or maybe it was a Nutra-Grain bar, but you get the idea. True story.

  7. 7 Bad Kermit March 1, 2007 at 2:30 pm

    Hey! She was my friend before she was your friend. Those were good days. Before you tainted Holly Hoffman.

  8. 8 CT March 1, 2007 at 2:39 pm

    C’mon BK, I specifically come over here to get away from all the taint related posts over at Desipio.

  9. 9 domer.mq March 1, 2007 at 2:45 pm

    Holly Hoffman rejected Cuban?

    Biggest mistake of her life.

  10. 10 Bad Kermit March 1, 2007 at 2:49 pm

    More importantly, Cuban eats Pop Tarts. Or at least sleeps with them.

  11. 11 domer.mq March 1, 2007 at 2:50 pm

    I think he means Cuban sleeps with “tarts” who are involved in “pop.”

    Like Shakira.

  12. 12 Slaky March 1, 2007 at 2:57 pm

    Those 11 responses creeped up pretty quick. Like my thong. Guess what area that is CT? MY FUCKIN TAINT.

  13. 13 JD, Too March 1, 2007 at 3:03 pm

    Mark Cuban does NOT sleep with Shakira! You take that back!


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