Sweet Uncle Lou’s Spring Training Diary: March 1, 2007

Are you idiots in panic mode yet? Ha ha ha! I know it’s only Spring Training, but good LORD did we suck today. I didn’t think it was possible to suck that much. How the hell do you give up SEVEN unearned runs? Moore? Cedeno? Can you tell me how you give up seven unearned runs? Do you remember? Scott? Two throwing errors? Ring a bell? Ronny? Your fielding error? You’re not here for your bat, son, and you’re certainly not here for your looks. In fact, you look like a turtle. You’re here to play defense. If you can’t catch the goddamn ball, you’d better start learning how to do whatever the hell they do in Iowa.

I know you’re thinking, “But, Uncle Lou! It’s just one game of Spring Training. Can’t you cut them some slack?” Just one? Just one. Next thing you know, you’re having “just one beer,” getting “just one tattoo,” and doing “just one hit of meth.” And then you’re this guy:

William Ligue

So pardon me for demanding perfection.

But I guess tomorrow’s another day. Isn’t that some profound shit? Who the hell do we have tomorrow, the Angels? Oh joy. I hope that roided-up freak Gary Matthews, Jr. doesn’t snap and start killing people. I only have 85 outfielders on this team (thanks, Jim) and I can’t afford to lose more than 80 of them. See you tomorrow, chumps.

-Sweet Uncle Lou


10 Responses to “Sweet Uncle Lou’s Spring Training Diary: March 1, 2007”

  1. 1 "Unforced" Ron Cedeno March 1, 2007 at 5:48 pm

    i do not look like a turtle…maybe a sexy turtle

  2. 2 Slaky March 1, 2007 at 6:06 pm

    Great abs though, that Mr. Ligue. Mmmm, I’d love to do a line right off his midriff.

  3. 3 Scott Moore "On" March 1, 2007 at 6:44 pm

    i like beer

  4. 4 Scott Moore "On" March 1, 2007 at 6:45 pm

    i throw better drunk

  5. 5 CT March 2, 2007 at 9:16 am

    Remember when everyone was excited because Cedeno hit over .300 in winter ball last year?

    That seems like a long time ago.

  6. 6 Brick March 2, 2007 at 10:09 am

    Well, you can’t spell “Cedeño” without a couple of E’s. Or a tilde.

  7. 7 Bad Kermit March 2, 2007 at 10:18 am

    Where did you get that tilde? You, sir, are the winner.

  8. 8 Slaky March 2, 2007 at 10:23 am

    We’re deciding winners in posts now? Goddamn this place is already turning into Deadspin.

  9. 9 Bad Kermit March 2, 2007 at 10:33 am

    Uncalled for, Slak. We here at FLP are a cut above the degenerates who post on other blogs. If you can’t understand why a guy who posts a tilde is a winner or why Corey Lidle’s death is the most tragic tragedy in the history of human civilization, maybe you should take your comments someplace else.

  10. 10 Slaky March 2, 2007 at 11:54 am

    We’re banning people now? Goddamn this place is already turning into NSBB.

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