#83: Damian “No Action” Jackson

.067. Oh freaking sixty-seven. That is what Damian Jackson hit in his mercifully brief stay with the Cubs.

You’re a mean Tiger!  Give me anger!

“If you squint like this, I look like a real Major League ballplayer!”

Damian should have quit while he was ahead. In his first at-bat of his first start with the Cubs, he hit a leadoff solo homer in a game the Cubs eventually won 5-4. That was the only hit, only RBI, and only run he collected in a Cubs uniform.

Why the 2004 Cubs were completely obsessed with crappy middle infielders, I’ll never know. In that one season, the Cubs saw the likes of Jackson, Jose Macias, Rey Ordonez, Ramon Martinez, Alex Gonzalez, and Neifi Perez. While that may have been Dusty Baker’s dream lineup, it was a nightmare for the fans. I wonder why they ended up collapsing at the end of the season.

Low Point: Everything surrounding his one hit with the Cubs was pretty much a disaster. In 2004, not only did he hit .067 as a Cub, but he finished the season in Kansas City with a robust .100 batting average.

Did You Know? Jackson is most famous for being the guy who gets hurt when something more important is happening. Not only was he the guy who almost killed Unfrozen Caveman Center Fielder in the 2003 ALDS,

No brains were injured during this play.

“Take that, mongoloid!”

but he was also injured in 2001 when he was beaned by A.J. Burnett as Burnett was spinning a no-hitter. Congratulations, Damian! You’re the baseball equivalent of the guy getting dunked on in a basketball poster.

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5 Responses to “#83: Damian “No Action” Jackson”


  1. 1 Rey Ordonez March 2, 2007 at 10:02 am

    I bet my name is up soon!

  2. 2 neifi March 2, 2007 at 11:06 am

    i’m sure i’ll be in the top 5

  3. 3 TDubbs March 2, 2007 at 12:28 pm

    A .067 batting average doesn’t get you many ladies. An 11 inch dong does. That is why Damian goes to bed with a smile on his face every night.

  4. 4 Mike D. March 2, 2007 at 12:51 pm

    You could do a list of “126 crappy, journeyman, Hispanic middle infielders”. Jackson wouldn’t make the list of course, ’cause he’s black, but there are sooo many others available.

  5. 5 honaj March 2, 2017 at 9:23 pm

    thats messed up bro keep it to yourself


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Older Posts

The Bottom 126 Cubs of My Lifetime

1. Todd Hundley

2. Neifi Perez

3. Alex Gonzalez

4. LaTroy Hawkins

5. Fred McGriff

6. Corey Patterson

7. Mel Rojas

8. Jeff Blauser

9. Antonio Alfonseca

10. Juan Pierre

11. Shawn Estes

12. Felix Heredia

13. Julian Tavarez

14. Kyle Farnsworth

15. Mark Prior

16. Kent Mercker

17. Moises Alou

18. Dave Veres

19. Jose Macias

20. Lenny Harris

21. Jose Hernandez

22. Jacque Jones

23. The Unnamed Pitchers of the 90s

24. Freddy Bynum

25. Jerry Hairston, Jr.

26. Scott Williamson

27. Tony Womack

28. Andy Pratt

29. Will Ohman

30. Phil Nevin

31. Jeff Fassero

32. Ronny Cedeno

33. Brant Brown

34. Roosevelt Brown

35. Jason Dubois

36. Wade Miller

37. Mark Guthrie

38. Sergio Mitre

39. Juan Cruz

40. Gabor Paul II Bako

41. Ryan Dempster

42. Mike Remlinger

43. Glendon Rusch

44. Nomar Garciaparra

45. Gary Matthews, Jr.

46. Matt Clement

47. Gary Gaetti

48. Bobby Hill

49. Benito Santiago

50. Jerome Williams

51. Roberto Novoa

52. David Kelton

53. Todd Wellemeyer

54. Shane Andrews

55. Darrin Jackson

56. Frank DiPino/Terry Francona

57. John Mabry

58. Curtis Wilkerson

59. Hee Seop Choi

60. Cesar Izturis

61. Rick Wilkins

62. Jon Garland

63. Augie Ojeda

64. Jerome Walton

65. Jae Kuk Ryu

66. Todd Hollandsworth

67. Karl "Tuffy" Rhodes

68. Willie Greene

69. Michael Tucker

70. Damon Berryhill

71. Jon Leicester

72. Mitch Webster

73. Curtis/Tom Goodwin

74. Jody Gerut

75. Jim Sundberg

76. Steve Buechele

77. Darren Lewis

78. Rey Ordonez

79. Marvell Wynne

80. Tyler Houston

81. Amaury Telemaco

82. Kevin Roberson

83. Damian Jackson

84. Doug Dascenzo

85. Ismael Valdez

86. Matt Karchner

87. Jeff Huson

88. Jose Nieves

89. Ross Gload

90. Chad Hermansen

91. Luis Salazar

92. Mike Hubbard

93. Delino DeShields

94. Matt Lawton

95. Howard Johnson

96. Rondell White

97. Turk Wendell

98. Ray King

99. Gary Scott

100. Steve Rain

101. Kevin Orie

102. Rey Sanchez

103. Francis Beltran

104. Paul Noce

105. Enrique Wilson

106. Ruben Quevedo

107. Damon Buford

108. Brooks Kieschnick

109. Damian Miller

110. Scott Bullett

111. Rick Aguilera

112. Chad Meyers

113. Gary Varsho

114. Jason Bere

115. Troy O'Leary

116. Chico Walker

117. Rick Wrona

118. Leo Gomez

119. Chris Stynes

120. Dan Plesac

121. Robert Machado

122. Julio Zuleta

123. Todd Zeile

124. Chad Fox

125. Adam Greenberg

126. Sandy Martinez

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