Back in college, my friends and I had a saying. When everyone was counting on you to come through and do something and you let them down, those folks who were counting on you got “Rey Ordonez’ed.” For example. Bottom of the 9th. Your co-rec kickball team is down 18-17. The girl you really like is there watching you. Bases loaded. Two outs. The pitcher winds up and rolls! You swing your leg and completely miss the ball. As your leg is coming down, your heel lands on the ball and you hyperextend your knee. And then you realize the ball is a puppy, and the girl you like is having sex with the winning pitcher on the mound. You ruined the season, you blew out your knee, you lost the girl, and you killed a puppy. Congratulations, you just Rey Ordonez’ed your team. And the puppy.
Rey, at top right, is usually expected to “talk to the fat one.”
Three questions: 1. Are all shortstops required to wear that chain around their necks? 2. Why are Alex Gonzalez and Rey Ordonez in this picture? 3. What sports men’s magazine would run such a picture?
Is it any wonder that Ordonez made the Bottom 126? Middle infielder. Check. Strength of the love child of Sampson and Superman shaved bald and wearing kryptonite underwear. Check. Inexplicably bats leadoff all the time. Check. It was his destiny to be on this list.
To be clear, Ordonez didn’t just suck when he came over to the Cubs after a lengthy career with the Mets. He sucked the whole time. The difference is, if he would have stayed in New York (or Tampa Bay, for that matter) we wouldn’t have gotten Rey Ordonez’ed so many times.
Low Point: June 4, 2004. The Pirates are in town, and the Cubs are clinging to a 1-0 lead in the 8th. With 2 outs, Michael Barrett draws a walk, pushing Todd Hollandsworth to second base. Ordonez, having already gone 0-3 with a foul bunt out, comes up with a chance to give the Cubs some insurance. He strikes out swinging. In the top of the 9th, the Pirates, including Chris Stynes, of all people, score 2 runs. Cubs lose 2-1.
Did You Know? In 2002, Ordonez, angry with the boos he and double play partner Roberto Alomar were hearing, called the fans in New York “too stupid.” Too stupid for… what, exactly?