#78: “Death” Rey Ordonez

Back in college, my friends and I had a saying. When everyone was counting on you to come through and do something and you let them down, those folks who were counting on you got “Rey Ordonez’ed.” For example. Bottom of the 9th. Your co-rec kickball team is down 18-17. The girl you really like is there watching you. Bases loaded. Two outs. The pitcher winds up and rolls! You swing your leg and completely miss the ball. As your leg is coming down, your heel lands on the ball and you hyperextend your knee. And then you realize the ball is a puppy, and the girl you like is having sex with the winning pitcher on the mound. You ruined the season, you blew out your knee, you lost the girl, and you killed a puppy. Congratulations, you just Rey Ordonez’ed your team. And the puppy.

At one point, Rey Ordonez was as highly touted as these guys.  Hell, so was Alex Gonzalez.

Rey, at top right, is usually expected to “talk to the fat one.”

Three questions: 1. Are all shortstops required to wear that chain around their necks? 2. Why are Alex Gonzalez and Rey Ordonez in this picture? 3. What sports men’s magazine would run such a picture?

Is it any wonder that Ordonez made the Bottom 126? Middle infielder. Check. Strength of the love child of Sampson and Superman shaved bald and wearing kryptonite underwear. Check. Inexplicably bats leadoff all the time. Check. It was his destiny to be on this list.

To be clear, Ordonez didn’t just suck when he came over to the Cubs after a lengthy career with the Mets. He sucked the whole time. The difference is, if he would have stayed in New York (or Tampa Bay, for that matter) we wouldn’t have gotten Rey Ordonez’ed so many times.

Low Point: June 4, 2004. The Pirates are in town, and the Cubs are clinging to a 1-0 lead in the 8th. With 2 outs, Michael Barrett draws a walk, pushing Todd Hollandsworth to second base. Ordonez, having already gone 0-3 with a foul bunt out, comes up with a chance to give the Cubs some insurance. He strikes out swinging. In the top of the 9th, the Pirates, including Chris Stynes, of all people, score 2 runs. Cubs lose 2-1.

Did You Know? In 2002, Ordonez, angry with the boos he and double play partner Roberto Alomar were hearing, called the fans in New York “too stupid.” Too stupid for… what, exactly?

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27 Responses to “#78: “Death” Rey Ordonez”


  1. 1 TDubbs March 7, 2007 at 11:29 am

    Gerardo has 8/10ths of a boner from looking at that picture

  2. 2 CT March 7, 2007 at 11:46 am

    I would have gone with June 24th, 2004 Cubs at Cardinals. Ordonez comes up with 1 out and the bases loaded, and grounds into a double play. Later, the Cards have the bases loaded and one out, and Clement(pitching brilliantly to that point) induces an easy double play ball that Ordonez boots. The Cards score 4 runs in the inning and win the game 4-0. Ordonez reportedly breaks down crying in the locker room after the game.

  3. 3 Mike D. March 7, 2007 at 11:55 am

    What CT said.

    I was driving home from a sales call in Kentucky listening to that game against St. Louis and wanted to crash my car–into Rey Ordonez. It was the day after Kent Mercker blew a late lead to the Cards and then yelled at the umpire, bumping the Cubs out first place for the last time that season. It was the end of whatever good the Cubs had going for a year-and-a-hald and the beginning of two-and-a-half years of Dusty’s Madcap Anarchy Baseball.

    And I honestly kept thinking you were writing about “Rey Sanchez” until I got to the picture. The Cubs flat-out rule at crappy journeymen Hispanic middle infielders. Christ, this teams makes my bowels act up.

  4. 4 Bad Kermit March 7, 2007 at 12:11 pm

    Oh, good one, CT. Damnit.

  5. 5 CT March 7, 2007 at 12:32 pm

    That I managed to type that out without biting through my own tongue is a sign of progress, according to my therapist.

  6. 6 Slaky March 7, 2007 at 1:27 pm

    Rey Ordonez vs. Ronny Cedeno

    I wonder if, given a few years, RonCe will be on one of these lists. That guy truly sucked. And sucks.

  7. 7 Bad Kermit March 7, 2007 at 1:34 pm

    A few years? Stay tuned, Slaky.

    Also, some turd at NSBB ripped me, you guys, and everyone at Desipio. Check it out:

    “I hope I’m not late to the party on this one. This guy kills me, though. And not in a good way. And what about those commenters? They ain’t Deadspin no matter how hard they try. He needs to just give it up. It’s no wonder, though. I noticed that he’s also writing for Desipio or something. That place is a ZOO! Those guys could learn a thing or two about how to have a friendly debate. I tried posting over there ONCE and some jerk called me a…well, I won’t repeat it. That place bugs me, but I won’t link there because they don’t deserve the traffic.”

    Ha ha! You guys aren’t as good as the enlightened geniuses at Deadspin! You suck!

  8. 8 Bad Kermit March 7, 2007 at 1:35 pm

    Also, I wonder what someone said in response to his first post. Did it involve the filthy “D” word? Awesome.

  9. 9 RTI March 7, 2007 at 1:53 pm

    Don’t ever try calling Edmonds gay over there either.

  10. 10 CT March 7, 2007 at 1:54 pm

    Kermit, tell that dude we’re sorry, but we thought he might be teh Paul.

  11. 11 Bad Kermit March 7, 2007 at 1:54 pm

    Welcome, 4-letter site refugee. Your profanity and sarcasm are welcome here.

  12. 12 CT March 7, 2007 at 2:06 pm

    Also, which thread is that in over at NSBB?

  13. 13 Bad Kermit March 7, 2007 at 2:07 pm

    I refuse to link it, but it’s something like, “Look at the ego on this guy!” I’m sure it would have a wide-eyed emoticon in the title if it could.

  14. 14 Mike D. March 7, 2007 at 2:10 pm

    You should link it, Kerm. I wanna read the inanity.

    So, when do you actually start writing at Desipio?

  15. 15 Bad Kermit March 7, 2007 at 2:14 pm

    I actually put an article up today, but moran that I am, I don’t know how to put a link to it in the “News Box” on the message board. I e-mailed Andy about it. You can get to it from the home page, though, and I think Lou is writing about it right now.

  16. 16 TDubbs March 7, 2007 at 2:15 pm

    I just starting reading this “blog” b/c you paid me to, but that guy is wrong. Other than you not being funny or able to write, this is a great site.

  17. 17 Bad Kermit March 7, 2007 at 2:20 pm

    Cubs fans like him that take themselves so seriously are the reason this site is in existence.

  18. 18 Slaky March 7, 2007 at 2:24 pm

    I think if you keep getting responses like that from those douchetongues, you’re doing great things.

    I should mention though, that I don’t agree with you that Lou Piniella should be fired. Why would you think that Kermit? He hasn’t even been given a chance! Shame on you!

    Let’s get on the Lou Piniella BandWGN!!

    (Hangs self with severed elephant cock)

  19. 19 JD, Too March 7, 2007 at 2:33 pm

    You’re just mad cuz he nailed you, BK. Dude’s passionate about the cubs and we shouldn’t make fun of him for that.

    Ha…just kidding, of course. That thread is my website now. And it’s weird cuz, used to, I couldn’t even read the message board over there. The banned screen would just pop up, but now it doesn’t it. So, like, a whole new cool world has opened up for me.

    AGAIN!

  20. 20 Bad Kermit March 7, 2007 at 2:35 pm

    If you guys are still looking for it, it’s under the subheader “Rants.” Yay! I’m pissing people off!

  21. 21 JD, Too March 7, 2007 at 2:37 pm

    Ain’t nobody missin’ it if they just follow the link to my blog.

  22. 22 Bad Kermit March 7, 2007 at 2:38 pm

    Ha ha! Now I see what you’re talking about.

  23. 23 JD, Too March 7, 2007 at 2:48 pm

    It must just be that one dude cuz no one is jumpin’ on the bandWGN of BK hatin’. Probably, though, it’s because he started a thread and he’s got less than 5,000 posts. He should read his nsbb member guidelines.

    Sulleymoon, if you’re reading this, please tell us your opinion.

  24. 24 Sulleymoon March 7, 2007 at 2:54 pm

    Sorry guys, I’ve decided to post on BleedCubbieBlue from now on. They positive!

  25. 25 CT March 7, 2007 at 3:06 pm

    Quiet Sulleymoon, you don’t exist. Get back in the box!

  26. 26 YourMother May 28, 2008 at 8:14 am

    Hope I’m not too late for this Rey Ordonez party. He was an aweful hitter and wouldn’t give you a clutch hit if his life depended on it. However, he may be the greatest fielding shortstop that ever lived. Cut him some slack and don’t get upset because your team picked him up after his prime (after he broke his arm).

  27. 27 Michele June 2, 2008 at 11:16 am

    Hope i’m not too late either…..He indeed was one of the best shortstops the world has ever witnessed……..and he still would have been great if it wasnt for what happened to his arm….. and he is an awsome person in a personal prospetive. He just bought mine and my husbands house in Miami, FL and he is a great down to earth guy! So stop hating everybody..


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Older Posts

The Bottom 126 Cubs of My Lifetime

1. Todd Hundley

2. Neifi Perez

3. Alex Gonzalez

4. LaTroy Hawkins

5. Fred McGriff

6. Corey Patterson

7. Mel Rojas

8. Jeff Blauser

9. Antonio Alfonseca

10. Juan Pierre

11. Shawn Estes

12. Felix Heredia

13. Julian Tavarez

14. Kyle Farnsworth

15. Mark Prior

16. Kent Mercker

17. Moises Alou

18. Dave Veres

19. Jose Macias

20. Lenny Harris

21. Jose Hernandez

22. Jacque Jones

23. The Unnamed Pitchers of the 90s

24. Freddy Bynum

25. Jerry Hairston, Jr.

26. Scott Williamson

27. Tony Womack

28. Andy Pratt

29. Will Ohman

30. Phil Nevin

31. Jeff Fassero

32. Ronny Cedeno

33. Brant Brown

34. Roosevelt Brown

35. Jason Dubois

36. Wade Miller

37. Mark Guthrie

38. Sergio Mitre

39. Juan Cruz

40. Gabor Paul II Bako

41. Ryan Dempster

42. Mike Remlinger

43. Glendon Rusch

44. Nomar Garciaparra

45. Gary Matthews, Jr.

46. Matt Clement

47. Gary Gaetti

48. Bobby Hill

49. Benito Santiago

50. Jerome Williams

51. Roberto Novoa

52. David Kelton

53. Todd Wellemeyer

54. Shane Andrews

55. Darrin Jackson

56. Frank DiPino/Terry Francona

57. John Mabry

58. Curtis Wilkerson

59. Hee Seop Choi

60. Cesar Izturis

61. Rick Wilkins

62. Jon Garland

63. Augie Ojeda

64. Jerome Walton

65. Jae Kuk Ryu

66. Todd Hollandsworth

67. Karl "Tuffy" Rhodes

68. Willie Greene

69. Michael Tucker

70. Damon Berryhill

71. Jon Leicester

72. Mitch Webster

73. Curtis/Tom Goodwin

74. Jody Gerut

75. Jim Sundberg

76. Steve Buechele

77. Darren Lewis

78. Rey Ordonez

79. Marvell Wynne

80. Tyler Houston

81. Amaury Telemaco

82. Kevin Roberson

83. Damian Jackson

84. Doug Dascenzo

85. Ismael Valdez

86. Matt Karchner

87. Jeff Huson

88. Jose Nieves

89. Ross Gload

90. Chad Hermansen

91. Luis Salazar

92. Mike Hubbard

93. Delino DeShields

94. Matt Lawton

95. Howard Johnson

96. Rondell White

97. Turk Wendell

98. Ray King

99. Gary Scott

100. Steve Rain

101. Kevin Orie

102. Rey Sanchez

103. Francis Beltran

104. Paul Noce

105. Enrique Wilson

106. Ruben Quevedo

107. Damon Buford

108. Brooks Kieschnick

109. Damian Miller

110. Scott Bullett

111. Rick Aguilera

112. Chad Meyers

113. Gary Varsho

114. Jason Bere

115. Troy O'Leary

116. Chico Walker

117. Rick Wrona

118. Leo Gomez

119. Chris Stynes

120. Dan Plesac

121. Robert Machado

122. Julio Zuleta

123. Todd Zeile

124. Chad Fox

125. Adam Greenberg

126. Sandy Martinez

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