Back in college, my friends and I had a saying. When everyone was counting on you to come through and do something and you let them down, those folks who were counting on you got “Rey Ordonez’ed.” For example. Bottom of the 9th. Your co-rec kickball team is down 18-17. The girl you really like is there watching you. Bases loaded. Two outs. The pitcher winds up and rolls! You swing your leg and completely miss the ball. As your leg is coming down, your heel lands on the ball and you hyperextend your knee. And then you realize the ball is a puppy, and the girl you like is having sex with the winning pitcher on the mound. You ruined the season, you blew out your knee, you lost the girl, and you killed a puppy. Congratulations, you just Rey Ordonez’ed your team. And the puppy.
Rey, at top right, is usually expected to “talk to the fat one.”
Three questions: 1. Are all shortstops required to wear that chain around their necks? 2. Why are Alex Gonzalez and Rey Ordonez in this picture? 3. What sports men’s magazine would run such a picture?
Is it any wonder that Ordonez made the Bottom 126? Middle infielder. Check. Strength of the love child of Sampson and Superman shaved bald and wearing kryptonite underwear. Check. Inexplicably bats leadoff all the time. Check. It was his destiny to be on this list.
To be clear, Ordonez didn’t just suck when he came over to the Cubs after a lengthy career with the Mets. He sucked the whole time. The difference is, if he would have stayed in New York (or Tampa Bay, for that matter) we wouldn’t have gotten Rey Ordonez’ed so many times.
Low Point: June 4, 2004. The Pirates are in town, and the Cubs are clinging to a 1-0 lead in the 8th. With 2 outs, Michael Barrett draws a walk, pushing Todd Hollandsworth to second base. Ordonez, having already gone 0-3 with a foul bunt out, comes up with a chance to give the Cubs some insurance. He strikes out swinging. In the top of the 9th, the Pirates, including Chris Stynes, of all people, score 2 runs. Cubs lose 2-1.
Did You Know? In 2002, Ordonez, angry with the boos he and double play partner Roberto Alomar were hearing, called the fans in New York “too stupid.” Too stupid for… what, exactly?
Hot as a Kerry Wood fastball.
Fire Lou Piniella! 
Gerardo has 8/10ths of a boner from looking at that picture
I would have gone with June 24th, 2004 Cubs at Cardinals. Ordonez comes up with 1 out and the bases loaded, and grounds into a double play. Later, the Cards have the bases loaded and one out, and Clement(pitching brilliantly to that point) induces an easy double play ball that Ordonez boots. The Cards score 4 runs in the inning and win the game 4-0. Ordonez reportedly breaks down crying in the locker room after the game.
What CT said.
I was driving home from a sales call in Kentucky listening to that game against St. Louis and wanted to crash my car–into Rey Ordonez. It was the day after Kent Mercker blew a late lead to the Cards and then yelled at the umpire, bumping the Cubs out first place for the last time that season. It was the end of whatever good the Cubs had going for a year-and-a-hald and the beginning of two-and-a-half years of Dusty’s Madcap Anarchy Baseball.
And I honestly kept thinking you were writing about “Rey Sanchez” until I got to the picture. The Cubs flat-out rule at crappy journeymen Hispanic middle infielders. Christ, this teams makes my bowels act up.
Oh, good one, CT. Damnit.
That I managed to type that out without biting through my own tongue is a sign of progress, according to my therapist.
Rey Ordonez vs. Ronny Cedeno
I wonder if, given a few years, RonCe will be on one of these lists. That guy truly sucked. And sucks.
A few years? Stay tuned, Slaky.
Also, some turd at NSBB ripped me, you guys, and everyone at Desipio. Check it out:
“I hope I’m not late to the party on this one. This guy kills me, though. And not in a good way. And what about those commenters? They ain’t Deadspin no matter how hard they try. He needs to just give it up. It’s no wonder, though. I noticed that he’s also writing for Desipio or something. That place is a ZOO! Those guys could learn a thing or two about how to have a friendly debate. I tried posting over there ONCE and some jerk called me a…well, I won’t repeat it. That place bugs me, but I won’t link there because they don’t deserve the traffic.”
Ha ha! You guys aren’t as good as the enlightened geniuses at Deadspin! You suck!
Also, I wonder what someone said in response to his first post. Did it involve the filthy “D” word? Awesome.
Don’t ever try calling Edmonds gay over there either.
Kermit, tell that dude we’re sorry, but we thought he might be teh Paul.
Welcome, 4-letter site refugee. Your profanity and sarcasm are welcome here.
Also, which thread is that in over at NSBB?
I refuse to link it, but it’s something like, “Look at the ego on this guy!” I’m sure it would have a wide-eyed emoticon in the title if it could.
You should link it, Kerm. I wanna read the inanity.
So, when do you actually start writing at Desipio?
I actually put an article up today, but moran that I am, I don’t know how to put a link to it in the “News Box” on the message board. I e-mailed Andy about it. You can get to it from the home page, though, and I think Lou is writing about it right now.
I just starting reading this “blog” b/c you paid me to, but that guy is wrong. Other than you not being funny or able to write, this is a great site.
Cubs fans like him that take themselves so seriously are the reason this site is in existence.
I think if you keep getting responses like that from those douchetongues, you’re doing great things.
I should mention though, that I don’t agree with you that Lou Piniella should be fired. Why would you think that Kermit? He hasn’t even been given a chance! Shame on you!
Let’s get on the Lou Piniella BandWGN!!
(Hangs self with severed elephant cock)
You’re just mad cuz he nailed you, BK. Dude’s passionate about the cubs and we shouldn’t make fun of him for that.
Ha…just kidding, of course. That thread is my website now. And it’s weird cuz, used to, I couldn’t even read the message board over there. The banned screen would just pop up, but now it doesn’t it. So, like, a whole new cool world has opened up for me.
AGAIN!
If you guys are still looking for it, it’s under the subheader “Rants.” Yay! I’m pissing people off!
Ain’t nobody missin’ it if they just follow the link to my blog.
Ha ha! Now I see what you’re talking about.
It must just be that one dude cuz no one is jumpin’ on the bandWGN of BK hatin’. Probably, though, it’s because he started a thread and he’s got less than 5,000 posts. He should read his nsbb member guidelines.
Sulleymoon, if you’re reading this, please tell us your opinion.
Sorry guys, I’ve decided to post on BleedCubbieBlue from now on. They positive!
Quiet Sulleymoon, you don’t exist. Get back in the box!
Hope I’m not too late for this Rey Ordonez party. He was an aweful hitter and wouldn’t give you a clutch hit if his life depended on it. However, he may be the greatest fielding shortstop that ever lived. Cut him some slack and don’t get upset because your team picked him up after his prime (after he broke his arm).
Hope i’m not too late either…..He indeed was one of the best shortstops the world has ever witnessed……..and he still would have been great if it wasnt for what happened to his arm….. and he is an awsome person in a personal prospetive. He just bought mine and my husbands house in Miami, FL and he is a great down to earth guy! So stop hating everybody..