Cubs Hurlers Use Spring to Experiment with New Pitches Called “Strikes”

MESA, Ariz.–Spring Training is a time for pitchers to experiment with pitches they have never thrown before, and for the Cubs pitching staff, it is no different. Cubs pitching coach Larry Rothschild has been working with the entire Cubs pitching staff in developing a new pitch which he likes to call a “strike.”

“I just figured it was about time some of these guys learned a new pitch,” Rothschild said sleepily. “I know that Zambrano has that nasty slider and Hill has that big curveball, but it’s good to keep the batters on their toes,” he continued, smoothing out his creased pajama top.

“Imagine how much filthier Hill’s breaking ball in the dirt will be if the batter has, in the back of his mind: ‘Hey. It’s possible on this 3-0 pitch that this kid might actually throw a strike,'” Rothschild mused as he wiped crust from the corner of his eye.

Why does the catcher’s mitt make that popping sound when I throw?

Jason Marquis experiments with a “strike” moments before a ball is lined back at his face.

Successfully throwing the new pitch might not be easy.

“It’s a learning process,” Rothschild said, stifling a yawn. “These guys aren’t used to throwing a strike, so there are going to be some problems with it initially. Take Prior, for instance. Every strike he threw the other day got drilled,” Rothschild said as he eased back into a reclined position.

“But don’t worry. He’ll figure it out. And if he doesn’t, he can always go back to throwing balls.”

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11 Responses to “Cubs Hurlers Use Spring to Experiment with New Pitches Called “Strikes””


  1. 1 al March 7, 2007 at 6:16 pm

    its funny because its true

  2. 2 JD, Too March 7, 2007 at 6:42 pm

    Hey the official Fire Lou Piniella Yahoo fantasy baseball league is up. Mistah Slaky already be in it, y’all. Ok, it’s me, him, and some people I know from the Army. But I want MORE people. Just sign up and put in the info. It’s so easy, even a FLP commenter can do it.

    League ID#: 3924
    Password: password

    You’re BURNT!

  3. 3 Slaky March 7, 2007 at 6:48 pm

    Mistah Slaky? He dead.

    I swear I’ve used that one already.

  4. 4 JD, Too March 7, 2007 at 6:59 pm

    But it rolls off the tongue. I imagine Alec Baldwin saying it in his “pig farmah” voice when he was talking to Kenneth.

  5. 5 CT March 7, 2007 at 8:43 pm

    I’m with you, leather.

    This is the new Deadspin!

  6. 7 JD, Too March 7, 2007 at 11:18 pm

    But then who would be Mike D?

  7. 8 Bad Kermit March 8, 2007 at 12:22 am

    JD, you were in the army? I think you owe me some tax dollars.

  8. 9 JD, Too March 8, 2007 at 7:47 am

    Defending your freedom from a bunch of poor little Iraqui dudes wasn’t enough? You’d be drinkin’ chai tea and wearin’ a man-dress if it wasn’t for me. You owe ME some money!

  9. 10 CT March 8, 2007 at 8:30 am

    You mean if not for your interference, I could be wearing a man-dress?

  10. 11 JD, Too March 8, 2007 at 8:32 am

    It’s not a big loss. A man-dress wouldn’t show off those fabulous curves of yours.


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