Archive for the 'I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for the Chicago Cubs today' Category

The Bottom 126 Continues on HireJimEssian.com!

I think there may be a fair number of you who have “The Bottom 126” tagged who may not have gotten the news that The Bottom 126 (along with the rest of this crazy operation) has moved to Hire Jim Essian! The content at the new domain is going to be virtually identical to the content here, so please update your bookmarks. Oh, and I also tagged this entry with every other tag, just in case you have one of those tagged. Hope to see you at the new site.

Cuban Denies Report That He’s Ready to Bid on Cubs

Wacky billionaire Mark Cuban denied reports which surfaced Wednesday that he is about to make a bid on the Cubs. Cuban, speaking into a microphone powered by Square D, part of the power at Wrigley Field, said that he had “no idea where [the reporters] got their info.”

Yay Cubs!

Mark Cuban is shocked that rumors swirled yesterday about him making a bid to purchase the Chicago Cubs.

“Bloggers these days,” Cuban continued, pausing long enough to whistle the opening bars of Van Halen’s “Jump.” “They’ll pretty much write about any rumor that gets thrown out there.”

“I honestly don’t know why anyone would start such a rumor,” Cuban mused as he sipped an Old Style out of a paper beer cup. “It would be interesting to trace back and find out where rumors like this get started.”

Cuban left the interview early, claiming that he schedules no meetings during his afternoons from 1:20 to 4:30.

You Can’t Spell “Cuban” Without “Cub”; Also, Without “Ban”

The online version of Radar Magazine reports that billionaire Mark Cuban, whose Lloyd Christmas hair belies the fact that he is living most men’s fantasies, is going absolutely bonkers trying to buy the Cubs off the Tribune Company. Cuban is throwing around money like he’s Jim Hendry hooked up to an EKG machine on a Krispy Kreme high.

Mark Cuban

The face of a savior? Possibly the face of a serial killer? Time will tell.

The free-spending, wild-eyed, short-tempered Cuban could be a pleasant change of pace for Cubs fans used to the traditionally stingy ownership of the Cubs by the Tribune Company.

If Cuban ends up buying the Cubs, they might want to consider hiring Joe Mikulik as a bench coach.

The perfect storm caused by bringing together Lou Piniella, Cuban, and Mikulik could make for some interesting moments on the North Side.

Colangelo Interested in Purchasing Cubs, Stock in White Star Line

CHICAGO–Former Arizona Diamondbacks owner Jerry Colangelo is allegedly interested in purchasing the Cubs, if the Tribune Company decides to sell the team. Colangelo, also the chairman of the Phoenix Suns, is thought to be interested in purchasing shares in the White Star Line shipping company.

I’m the king of the world.  Or something.

I’m the king of the world! Or something.

Colangelo is originally from Chicago Heights, and has expressed strong interest in purchasing the team of which he was a fan as a boy, saying that such a possibility is “quite exciting.”

Also exciting to Colangelo was the scene in the 1997 Academy Award-winning film Titanic when Jennifer Garner’s dad from Alias says, in response to the comment that the ship cannot sink, “She is made of iron, sir. I assure you, she can. And she will. It is a mathematical certainty.”

“You see, everyone is so sure that the Titanic is unsinkable,” Colangelo, who has had the movie rented out from Netflix for the past 6 months, said. “And then it sinks in the absolute most disastrous way possible. The coach- I mean, captain is so smug, yet he doesn’t know what the heck he’s doing so he leads the team- er, crew– to a total meltdown,” Colangelo continued. “I forget when this movie came out, but I think it was around 2003,” Colangelo surmised, humming The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

“FLP!” tried to ask Colangelo about the Chicago Cubs’ well-known history of losing, but Colangelo had to cut the interview short, mentioning that he was late for his zeppelin flight to Three Mile Island.


Who is Lou offending today?

Ozzie Guillen, mang.

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Lou! Hot as a Kerry Wood fastball.

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Older Posts

The Bottom 126 Cubs of My Lifetime

1. Todd Hundley

2. Neifi Perez

3. Alex Gonzalez

4. LaTroy Hawkins

5. Fred McGriff

6. Corey Patterson

7. Mel Rojas

8. Jeff Blauser

9. Antonio Alfonseca

10. Juan Pierre

11. Shawn Estes

12. Felix Heredia

13. Julian Tavarez

14. Kyle Farnsworth

15. Mark Prior

16. Kent Mercker

17. Moises Alou

18. Dave Veres

19. Jose Macias

20. Lenny Harris

21. Jose Hernandez

22. Jacque Jones

23. The Unnamed Pitchers of the 90s

24. Freddy Bynum

25. Jerry Hairston, Jr.

26. Scott Williamson

27. Tony Womack

28. Andy Pratt

29. Will Ohman

30. Phil Nevin

31. Jeff Fassero

32. Ronny Cedeno

33. Brant Brown

34. Roosevelt Brown

35. Jason Dubois

36. Wade Miller

37. Mark Guthrie

38. Sergio Mitre

39. Juan Cruz

40. Gabor Paul II Bako

41. Ryan Dempster

42. Mike Remlinger

43. Glendon Rusch

44. Nomar Garciaparra

45. Gary Matthews, Jr.

46. Matt Clement

47. Gary Gaetti

48. Bobby Hill

49. Benito Santiago

50. Jerome Williams

51. Roberto Novoa

52. David Kelton

53. Todd Wellemeyer

54. Shane Andrews

55. Darrin Jackson

56. Frank DiPino/Terry Francona

57. John Mabry

58. Curtis Wilkerson

59. Hee Seop Choi

60. Cesar Izturis

61. Rick Wilkins

62. Jon Garland

63. Augie Ojeda

64. Jerome Walton

65. Jae Kuk Ryu

66. Todd Hollandsworth

67. Karl "Tuffy" Rhodes

68. Willie Greene

69. Michael Tucker

70. Damon Berryhill

71. Jon Leicester

72. Mitch Webster

73. Curtis/Tom Goodwin

74. Jody Gerut

75. Jim Sundberg

76. Steve Buechele

77. Darren Lewis

78. Rey Ordonez

79. Marvell Wynne

80. Tyler Houston

81. Amaury Telemaco

82. Kevin Roberson

83. Damian Jackson

84. Doug Dascenzo

85. Ismael Valdez

86. Matt Karchner

87. Jeff Huson

88. Jose Nieves

89. Ross Gload

90. Chad Hermansen

91. Luis Salazar

92. Mike Hubbard

93. Delino DeShields

94. Matt Lawton

95. Howard Johnson

96. Rondell White

97. Turk Wendell

98. Ray King

99. Gary Scott

100. Steve Rain

101. Kevin Orie

102. Rey Sanchez

103. Francis Beltran

104. Paul Noce

105. Enrique Wilson

106. Ruben Quevedo

107. Damon Buford

108. Brooks Kieschnick

109. Damian Miller

110. Scott Bullett

111. Rick Aguilera

112. Chad Meyers

113. Gary Varsho

114. Jason Bere

115. Troy O'Leary

116. Chico Walker

117. Rick Wrona

118. Leo Gomez

119. Chris Stynes

120. Dan Plesac

121. Robert Machado

122. Julio Zuleta

123. Todd Zeile

124. Chad Fox

125. Adam Greenberg

126. Sandy Martinez

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