I think there may be a fair number of you who have “The Bottom 126” tagged who may not have gotten the news that The Bottom 126 (along with the rest of this crazy operation) has moved to Hire Jim Essian! The content at the new domain is going to be virtually identical to the content here, so please update your bookmarks. Oh, and I also tagged this entry with every other tag, just in case you have one of those tagged. Hope to see you at the new site.
Archive for the 'McDonough and Donough' Category
CHICAGO–The Chicago Cubs have finally done it. They have decided to use what little space on the outfield walls is not covered in ivy as ad space. The team signed a multiyear deal with Under Armour Wednesday, and they are fielding offers from other companies once the deal runs out.
Armor won’t protect you, McDonough. Even when it’s spelled all British-like.
The announcement by the Cubs has generated quite a bit of interest in the ad space. “We’ve already signed several contracts in the years following the expiration of the Under Armour deal,” Cubs interim president Jon McDonough said. “Several St. Louis-based companies have already purchased the space. For example, ‘Sofa King Wee Todd Did’ will have an ad in the future, and we’re working on ad space for wesuck.com, suckadeek.com, and funkingchumps.com. We’re very excited to have the extra revenue.”
Increased Ticket Prices! Commemorative Bricks! Crappy Bands! “Meet Cubs Business Management” Seminar a Success!Published January 22, 2007 Cubs.com-We Keep Cramming Sunshine up Your Ass , McDonough and Donough , The Front Orifice 3 Comments
CHICAGO–It’s a good thing everyone in Chicago was watching the Bears dismantle the New Orleans Saints on Sunday, because if anyone had stuck around to listen to the “Meet Cubs Business Management” Seminar at the Cubs Convention, they would have heard the following:
The seminar sounded like a great way to wrap up the Cubs Convention, especially after the Cubs had to cancel the originally planned three-hour-long, “Conversation with Ronnie Woo-Woo.” Did anyone go to this seminar?
TORONTO–Let the Airing of Grievances begin. Recently-signed Toronto Blue Jay pitcher John Thomson laid into New York Mets catcher Paul Lo Duca, citing Lo Duca’s poor game calling as the reason Thomson signed with the Jays rather than the Mets. Thomson also took a shot at the Mets’ outfield:
As far as just looking at Paul Lo Duca across the field, I’m not really into how he acts behind the plate. I know a bit about [Toronto catcher] Gregg Zaun and I know he wants to win and he’s not going to let anything get in his way to do that, and I like that. And then with Vernon Wells in center field, I’m not really concerned about the outfield with him out there. … Just watching the Mets’ outfield, if Cliff Floyd is still there it’s not a real good fit for him out there. He can hit the ball, but as far as defense, he’s a little shaky.
I’m normally not one to condone criticizing other players, particularly when you’re only making $500,000 a year in a market where Jason Marquis is getting paid to pitch. Real money. Possibly some of my money.
Thomson’s bold statements touched off an Airing of Grievances on the North Side which has not been seen since Lee Elia’s famous tirade.
Fire Lou Piniella! was lucky enough to have a transcript of Lou Piniella’s Airing of Grievances. Here are some of the excerpts:
Cubs players could not be reached for comment, as Piniella had sent them all on a search for an aluminum Festivus pole. The players are expected to attend tomorrow’s Feats of Strength, where they will take turns trying to pin Piniella in a wrestling match.
While still recovering from a holiday-induced haze, “Fire Lou Piniella!” got a rare opportunity to get an advanced look at Lou Piniella’s list of New Year’s Resolutions. Enjoy.
- Find out if Rothschild has ever actually worn a Cubs jersey under those stupid pajamas he wears to games.
- Return Steve Lyons’ wallet.
- Cut back on the word “c@#$sucker.” Increase usage of phrase, “bunch of c@#$smoking losers.”
- Quit reassuring Hendry that Jason Marquis doesn’t suck.
- Finish my autobiography, Living Among Assholes: The Lou Piniella Story.
- Fewer temper tantrums, more conniption fits.
- Stop hiding my keys and wallet in Trammell’s face.
- Be more politically correct, so that mick interim president gets off my back.
- Lose a few pounds. Christ, I’m starting to look like Hendry.
- Punch Joe Buck in the face with Tim McCarver’s severed hand.
CHICAGO–New Cub pitcher Ted Lilly will not be allowed to wear number 31 for the Cubs in 2007. According to interim President John McDonough, the Cubs do not have plans for retiring #31, worn by Hall of Famer Fergie Jenkins and surefire first ballot Hall of Famer Greg Maddux, but it “wouldn’t be appropriate” to have someone else wear the number.
“We’ve had some great players wear number 31,” McDonough said, while Yankees owner George Steinbrenner held a ceremony retiring Corey Lidle’s #30 Yankee jersey. “From Mark Guthrie to Donovan Osborne, old number 31 has a lot of great memories,” McDonough said, as Alex Rodriguez’s #13 was preemptively retired behind him and, coincidentally, Donovan Osborne’s #46.
“You know, Bobby Ayala wore number 31,” McDonough continued, as Jim Leyritz and Alfonso Soriano shook hands with Steinbrenner on ESPN, holding aloft their recently-retired #12 jerseys.
“And don’t even get me started reminiscing about Kevin Foster’s days as number 31 in your scorecard,” McDonough said, briefly distracted by a “Remembering Ruben Sierra” segment on ESPN which coincided with the retirement by the Yankees of his #24 jersey along with Jesse Barfield’s #29 and Steve Balboni’s #28, #36, #45, #50, and #66.
“Beloved Comcast analyst Dan Plesac also wore the number since Jenkins and Maddux left,” McDonough added, talking over the sound of cheering as ESPN televised the hoisting of Kevin Brown’s #27, Javier Vasquez’s #33, Jose Contreras’s #52, and Brad Halsey’s #57 and #61.
It remains to be seen if the Cubs will eventually retire #31 in honor of Maddux and Jenkins. It also remains to be seen if the Yankees will start using fractions instead of whole numbers on the backs of their jerseys.
CHICAGO–The Cubs plan on hiring an assistant G.M. to help take the pressure off Jim Hendry. “Fire Lou Piniella!” received a copy of the ad expected to be placed in the local papers.
WANTED: Motivated individual to assist with the general management of the Chicago National League Ball Club. Individual must be motivated, enthusiastic, dedicated, and unaware of any events which have occurred in the world for the past 98 years. Bullpen building skills not necessary. Responsibilities include bathing G.M., feeding G.M., helping G.M. get Jacque Jones out of town, and holding G.M. when he cries over Ryan Dempster’s contract. Experience in bidding against oneself a plus. Great incentives until the Tribune gets sold! Send resume and two dozen Krispy Kremes to 1060 W. Addison, ATTN: J. Hendry, Chicago, IL 60613