I think there may be a fair number of you who have “The Bottom 126” tagged who may not have gotten the news that The Bottom 126 (along with the rest of this crazy operation) has moved to Hire Jim Essian! The content at the new domain is going to be virtually identical to the content here, so please update your bookmarks. Oh, and I also tagged this entry with every other tag, just in case you have one of those tagged. Hope to see you at the new site.
Archive for the 'Poo Hole' Category
ST. LOUIS–St. Louis Cardinals slugger Albert Pujols scored a perfect 100% on his American citizenship test, and was sworn in as an American citizen Wednesday.
Pujols was captured on film only moments later waiting in line at the welfare office.
One hunnert pur sent!
ST. LOUIS–Despite Ryan Howard’s superior numbers, more pleasant demeanor, less pharmaceutically enhanced physique, and Howard’s Phillies’ better regular season record in a far more difficult NL East, Albert Pujols was up to his whining ways on Wednesday, crying about how the NL MVP should have gone to a player on a team that made the playoffs. Sources close to Pujols could not confirm who he would have chosen as the MVP, as Pujols was too busy attempting to fellate himself to answer that question.
For the third consecutive year, Pujols is making a strong case for himself to finally supplant nine-time winner Barry Bonds for the biggest asshole in Major League Baseball.
Howard’s 2006 numbers were nearly as good or better than Pujols’ in virtually every category, and Howard led the Philadelphia Phillies to two more wins than Pujols’ Cardinal team. The Phillies play in the NL East, considered to be the toughest division in the National League in 2006. The Cardinals play in the NL Central, considered to be the easiest division in the National League in this century.
Don’t try telling Pujols about statistics or team achievements, though. “The MVP should come from a playoff team,” Pujols said in broken English, kicking a three-legged puppy out of his way as he did so. “Pujols deserves the MVP. If it weren’t for Pujols, Pujols’ crappy team wouldn’t have won the World Series,” Pujols continued while exchanging high-fives and needles with Albert Belle, Gary Sheffield, Michael Irvin, Barry Bonds, O.J. Simpson, and an autographed picture of Adolph Hitler.
“FLP!” is still trying to confirm that Pujols has ever, in fact, played in the World Series. So far, investigators have found only two World Series RBIs allegedly credited to Pujols’ name.