I think there may be a fair number of you who have “The Bottom 126” tagged who may not have gotten the news that The Bottom 126 (along with the rest of this crazy operation) has moved to Hire Jim Essian! The content at the new domain is going to be virtually identical to the content here, so please update your bookmarks. Oh, and I also tagged this entry with every other tag, just in case you have one of those tagged. Hope to see you at the new site.
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Increased Ticket Prices! Commemorative Bricks! Crappy Bands! “Meet Cubs Business Management” Seminar a Success!Published January 22, 2007 Cubs.com-We Keep Cramming Sunshine up Your Ass , McDonough and Donough , The Front Orifice 3 Comments
CHICAGO–It’s a good thing everyone in Chicago was watching the Bears dismantle the New Orleans Saints on Sunday, because if anyone had stuck around to listen to the “Meet Cubs Business Management” Seminar at the Cubs Convention, they would have heard the following:
The seminar sounded like a great way to wrap up the Cubs Convention, especially after the Cubs had to cancel the originally planned three-hour-long, “Conversation with Ronnie Woo-Woo.” Did anyone go to this seminar?
CHICAGO–New Cub pitcher Ted Lilly will not be allowed to wear number 31 for the Cubs in 2007. According to interim President John McDonough, the Cubs do not have plans for retiring #31, worn by Hall of Famer Fergie Jenkins and surefire first ballot Hall of Famer Greg Maddux, but it “wouldn’t be appropriate” to have someone else wear the number.
“We’ve had some great players wear number 31,” McDonough said, while Yankees owner George Steinbrenner held a ceremony retiring Corey Lidle’s #30 Yankee jersey. “From Mark Guthrie to Donovan Osborne, old number 31 has a lot of great memories,” McDonough said, as Alex Rodriguez’s #13 was preemptively retired behind him and, coincidentally, Donovan Osborne’s #46.
“You know, Bobby Ayala wore number 31,” McDonough continued, as Jim Leyritz and Alfonso Soriano shook hands with Steinbrenner on ESPN, holding aloft their recently-retired #12 jerseys.
“And don’t even get me started reminiscing about Kevin Foster’s days as number 31 in your scorecard,” McDonough said, briefly distracted by a “Remembering Ruben Sierra” segment on ESPN which coincided with the retirement by the Yankees of his #24 jersey along with Jesse Barfield’s #29 and Steve Balboni’s #28, #36, #45, #50, and #66.
“Beloved Comcast analyst Dan Plesac also wore the number since Jenkins and Maddux left,” McDonough added, talking over the sound of cheering as ESPN televised the hoisting of Kevin Brown’s #27, Javier Vasquez’s #33, Jose Contreras’s #52, and Brad Halsey’s #57 and #61.
It remains to be seen if the Cubs will eventually retire #31 in honor of Maddux and Jenkins. It also remains to be seen if the Yankees will start using fractions instead of whole numbers on the backs of their jerseys.
CHICAGO–The Cubs plan on hiring an assistant G.M. to help take the pressure off Jim Hendry. “Fire Lou Piniella!” received a copy of the ad expected to be placed in the local papers.
WANTED: Motivated individual to assist with the general management of the Chicago National League Ball Club. Individual must be motivated, enthusiastic, dedicated, and unaware of any events which have occurred in the world for the past 98 years. Bullpen building skills not necessary. Responsibilities include bathing G.M., feeding G.M., helping G.M. get Jacque Jones out of town, and holding G.M. when he cries over Ryan Dempster’s contract. Experience in bidding against oneself a plus. Great incentives until the Tribune gets sold! Send resume and two dozen Krispy Kremes to 1060 W. Addison, ATTN: J. Hendry, Chicago, IL 60613