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The Bottom 126 Continues on!

I think there may be a fair number of you who have “The Bottom 126” tagged who may not have gotten the news that The Bottom 126 (along with the rest of this crazy operation) has moved to Hire Jim Essian! The content at the new domain is going to be virtually identical to the content here, so please update your bookmarks. Oh, and I also tagged this entry with every other tag, just in case you have one of those tagged. Hope to see you at the new site.


Increased Ticket Prices! Commemorative Bricks! Crappy Bands! “Meet Cubs Business Management” Seminar a Success!

CHICAGO–It’s a good thing everyone in Chicago was watching the Bears dismantle the New Orleans Saints on Sunday, because if anyone had stuck around to listen to the “Meet Cubs Business Management” Seminar at the Cubs Convention, they would have heard the following:

  • Single-game tickets will increase $2 apiece, and the premium seats — the Dugout Box, Bullpen Box and Bleacher Box seats — will increase $5 apiece. 66-96 last year, and the ticket prices increase? Cubs fever! Get vaccinated!
  • Cubs management expects to begin installing the commemorative brick pavers in March. Fans who purchased the bricks will receive a grid map showing where their brick is located. Maps will also be sent to all of their friends, so that purchasers may be relentlessly mocked for connecting their name to the Cubs franchise for eternity.
  • The team is still working out details regarding a concert at the ballpark during the All-Star break and was “hopeful” to have the Dave Matthews Band perform. And by “perform,” management meant, “take a steaming dump in the middle of the infield.”
  • The seminar sounded like a great way to wrap up the Cubs Convention, especially after the Cubs had to cancel the originally planned three-hour-long, “Conversation with Ronnie Woo-Woo.” Did anyone go to this seminar?

    Yankees Retire Twelve Players’ Numbers as Cubs Discuss #31

    CHICAGO–New Cub pitcher Ted Lilly will not be allowed to wear number 31 for the Cubs in 2007. According to interim President John McDonough, the Cubs do not have plans for retiring #31, worn by Hall of Famer Fergie Jenkins and surefire first ballot Hall of Famer Greg Maddux, but it “wouldn’t be appropriate” to have someone else wear the number.

    “We’ve had some great players wear number 31,” McDonough said, while Yankees owner George Steinbrenner held a ceremony retiring Corey Lidle’s #30 Yankee jersey. “From Mark Guthrie to Donovan Osborne, old number 31 has a lot of great memories,” McDonough said, as Alex Rodriguez’s #13 was preemptively retired behind him and, coincidentally, Donovan Osborne’s #46.

    “You know, Bobby Ayala wore number 31,” McDonough continued, as Jim Leyritz and Alfonso Soriano shook hands with Steinbrenner on ESPN, holding aloft their recently-retired #12 jerseys.

    “And don’t even get me started reminiscing about Kevin Foster’s days as number 31 in your scorecard,” McDonough said, briefly distracted by a “Remembering Ruben Sierra” segment on ESPN which coincided with the retirement by the Yankees of his #24 jersey along with Jesse Barfield’s #29 and Steve Balboni’s #28, #36, #45, #50, and #66.

    “Beloved Comcast analyst Dan Plesac also wore the number since Jenkins and Maddux left,” McDonough added, talking over the sound of cheering as ESPN televised the hoisting of Kevin Brown’s #27, Javier Vasquez’s #33, Jose Contreras’s #52, and Brad Halsey’s #57 and #61.

    It remains to be seen if the Cubs will eventually retire #31 in honor of Maddux and Jenkins. It also remains to be seen if the Yankees will start using fractions instead of whole numbers on the backs of their jerseys.

    Cubs to Hire Assistant G.M.; “FLP!” Gets Advance Copy of Want Ad

    CHICAGO–The Cubs plan on hiring an assistant G.M. to help take the pressure off Jim Hendry. “Fire Lou Piniella!” received a copy of the ad expected to be placed in the local papers.

    WANTED: Motivated individual to assist with the general management of the Chicago National League Ball Club. Individual must be motivated, enthusiastic, dedicated, and unaware of any events which have occurred in the world for the past 98 years. Bullpen building skills not necessary. Responsibilities include bathing G.M., feeding G.M., helping G.M. get Jacque Jones out of town, and holding G.M. when he cries over Ryan Dempster’s contract. Experience in bidding against oneself a plus. Great incentives until the Tribune gets sold! Send resume and two dozen Krispy Kremes to 1060 W. Addison, ATTN: J. Hendry, Chicago, IL 60613

    Who is Lou offending today?

    Ozzie Guillen, mang.

    How Angry Is Lou Today?

    Lou! Hot as a Kerry Wood fastball.

    Subscribe to “Fire Lou Piniella!”

    Contact “Fire Lou Piniella!”

    Older Posts

    The Bottom 126 Cubs of My Lifetime

    1. Todd Hundley

    2. Neifi Perez

    3. Alex Gonzalez

    4. LaTroy Hawkins

    5. Fred McGriff

    6. Corey Patterson

    7. Mel Rojas

    8. Jeff Blauser

    9. Antonio Alfonseca

    10. Juan Pierre

    11. Shawn Estes

    12. Felix Heredia

    13. Julian Tavarez

    14. Kyle Farnsworth

    15. Mark Prior

    16. Kent Mercker

    17. Moises Alou

    18. Dave Veres

    19. Jose Macias

    20. Lenny Harris

    21. Jose Hernandez

    22. Jacque Jones

    23. The Unnamed Pitchers of the 90s

    24. Freddy Bynum

    25. Jerry Hairston, Jr.

    26. Scott Williamson

    27. Tony Womack

    28. Andy Pratt

    29. Will Ohman

    30. Phil Nevin

    31. Jeff Fassero

    32. Ronny Cedeno

    33. Brant Brown

    34. Roosevelt Brown

    35. Jason Dubois

    36. Wade Miller

    37. Mark Guthrie

    38. Sergio Mitre

    39. Juan Cruz

    40. Gabor Paul II Bako

    41. Ryan Dempster

    42. Mike Remlinger

    43. Glendon Rusch

    44. Nomar Garciaparra

    45. Gary Matthews, Jr.

    46. Matt Clement

    47. Gary Gaetti

    48. Bobby Hill

    49. Benito Santiago

    50. Jerome Williams

    51. Roberto Novoa

    52. David Kelton

    53. Todd Wellemeyer

    54. Shane Andrews

    55. Darrin Jackson

    56. Frank DiPino/Terry Francona

    57. John Mabry

    58. Curtis Wilkerson

    59. Hee Seop Choi

    60. Cesar Izturis

    61. Rick Wilkins

    62. Jon Garland

    63. Augie Ojeda

    64. Jerome Walton

    65. Jae Kuk Ryu

    66. Todd Hollandsworth

    67. Karl "Tuffy" Rhodes

    68. Willie Greene

    69. Michael Tucker

    70. Damon Berryhill

    71. Jon Leicester

    72. Mitch Webster

    73. Curtis/Tom Goodwin

    74. Jody Gerut

    75. Jim Sundberg

    76. Steve Buechele

    77. Darren Lewis

    78. Rey Ordonez

    79. Marvell Wynne

    80. Tyler Houston

    81. Amaury Telemaco

    82. Kevin Roberson

    83. Damian Jackson

    84. Doug Dascenzo

    85. Ismael Valdez

    86. Matt Karchner

    87. Jeff Huson

    88. Jose Nieves

    89. Ross Gload

    90. Chad Hermansen

    91. Luis Salazar

    92. Mike Hubbard

    93. Delino DeShields

    94. Matt Lawton

    95. Howard Johnson

    96. Rondell White

    97. Turk Wendell

    98. Ray King

    99. Gary Scott

    100. Steve Rain

    101. Kevin Orie

    102. Rey Sanchez

    103. Francis Beltran

    104. Paul Noce

    105. Enrique Wilson

    106. Ruben Quevedo

    107. Damon Buford

    108. Brooks Kieschnick

    109. Damian Miller

    110. Scott Bullett

    111. Rick Aguilera

    112. Chad Meyers

    113. Gary Varsho

    114. Jason Bere

    115. Troy O'Leary

    116. Chico Walker

    117. Rick Wrona

    118. Leo Gomez

    119. Chris Stynes

    120. Dan Plesac

    121. Robert Machado

    122. Julio Zuleta

    123. Todd Zeile

    124. Chad Fox

    125. Adam Greenberg

    126. Sandy Martinez

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