I think there may be a fair number of you who have “The Bottom 126” tagged who may not have gotten the news that The Bottom 126 (along with the rest of this crazy operation) has moved to Hire Jim Essian! The content at the new domain is going to be virtually identical to the content here, so please update your bookmarks. Oh, and I also tagged this entry with every other tag, just in case you have one of those tagged. Hope to see you at the new site.
Archive for the 'The Tribune: We Just Keep Polishing Turds' Category
CHICAGO–From the latest article from Tribune writer Paul Sullivan comes the following quote:
F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote: “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see things that are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.”
Soon after Sullivan published the quote, a spinning sound was heard coming from F. Scott Fitzgerald’s grave at St. Mary’s Cemetery in Rockville, Maryland. Descendents of Fitzgerald suggest that the quote was intended to be used only by those who are able to hold even two simple and complementary ideas in mind, and that the use of the quote by Sullivan was causing the spinning sound.
SAN FRANCISCO–While the other Barry in San Francisco is having a rough go of it, Barry Zito is having a most excellent day.
Eighteen million dollars a year?! Excellent! I’m a flyball pitcher with an outfield with the average age of 62?! Bogus!
Zito had his own number in mind when negotiating his salary, which he asked one Fire Lou Piniella! reporter to guess. When the reporter correctly guessed “69,” Zito said, “Whoa,” and then strummed the air.
When asked about his new contract, Zito said, “The dudes in my band, the Wyld Stallyns, will be most excited about this gnarly fortune. Perhaps we can finally get Eddie Van Halen on guitar.” Zito then hugged his best friend Bill S. Preston, esq., after which both simultaneously called one another “Fag.” Ozzie Guillen could not be reached for comment.
CHICAGO–Chicago resident David Dright allegedly took tax documents earlier this year from the offices of SFX Baseball, which negotiates contracts for professional baseball players, making off with the tax information of 91 Major League Baseball players and stealing their identities.
One of Dright’s victims was former Cubs center fielder and current Los Angeles Dodger Juan Pierre. Soon after stealing Pierre’s identity, Dright dribbled a weak grounder to second base and was thrown out by a half step on a 4-3 putout.
Dright also stole the identity of former Cub Moises Alou, now with the New York Mets. Police were able to bait Dright from his hiding place on second base at Wrigley Field by feigning a ground ball when a popup to left field had actually been hit with one out in the inning. Dright was arrested while sprinting around third as the left fielder caught the routine flyout.