I think there may be a fair number of you who have “The Bottom 126” tagged who may not have gotten the news that The Bottom 126 (along with the rest of this crazy operation) has moved to Hire Jim Essian! The content at the new domain is going to be virtually identical to the content here, so please update your bookmarks. Oh, and I also tagged this entry with every other tag, just in case you have one of those tagged. Hope to see you at the new site.
Archive for the 'USC Alum are Pansies' Category
CHICAGO–The Cubs have thankfully reached an agreement with right-handed towel-thrower Mark Prior. The announcement comes just weeks before Prior’s inevitable season-ending injury. The Cubs have not yet released the terms of the agreement, but sources close to Jim Hendry expect that the deal will include a lifetime supply of Always and a DVD copy of The Bridges of Madison County.
Mark Prior: Snapping into a hot tub near you. Summer, 2007.
NEW YORK–The Hall of Fame ballots have been counted, and first-year candidates Cal Ripken, Jr. and Tony Gwynn were inducted into baseball’s most prestigious club.
Left out of the Hall was first-year candidate Mark McGwire, who socked 583 home runs during his career. McGwire’s chances were hurt by his rumored connection to performance-enhancing drugs and by the fact that he was a Trojan and a Cardinal.
McGwire’s name appeared on a mere 23.5 percent of the ballots cast, far short of the requisite 75 percent required for induction. As a consolation prize, the voters chipped in to buy McGwire a year’s supply of a different type of performance-enhancing drug, Proactiv.
Gentleman, five-tool athlete, great teammate, and, by all accounts, terrific human being, Andre Dawson received 56.7 percent of the vote, down from the 61 percent he received last year. Wrigley Ville is still fighting the good fight for Dawson, but I am saddened to think he may be fighting a losing battle.
Goose Gossage fell just short of induction, garnering 71.2 percent of the vote. Other notable names who failed to attain the necessary 75 percent were Jim Rice, Bert Blyleven, Lee Smith, Jack Morris, and Tommy John. Goatriders has a good article about how these guys should all be inducted, as well, if the Hall of Fame voters weren’t collectively such a bloated piece of crap.
CHICAGO–New Cubs manager Lou Piniella will meet his pitchers and catchers for the first time as a group on February 14, 2007, when they are required to report to training camp in Mesa, Arizona.
After an initial verbal beating from Piniella, the catchers will go through some light stretches and cardiovascular activities. The pitchers will undergo various surgeries on a wide variety of different body parts, after which they will be placed in bubble wrap and stored in that room at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark until the start of the 2007 season. The only pitcher to be excluded from the treatment will be Jason Marquis, who will be shipped to St. Louis in a box reading “RETURN TO SENDER.”
We have top men working on it now.
ATLANTA–Second baseman Marcus Giles was not tendered a contract by the Atlanta Braves before Tuesday’s midnight deadline, making him a free agent. Atlanta showed Giles the door after being unable to find a team interested in trading for him.
On his way out of Braves’ G.M. John Schuerholz’s office after receiving the news, Giles collided with Cubs starting pitcher Mark Prior, sending both of them to the floor in a twisted heap.
Prior and Giles collide. Again.
For Prior, the collision caused him to suffer a broken right wrist, several bruised ribs, a black eye, diarrhea, excessive sweating, and menstrual cramping. Giles walked away with no injuries. The Cubs immediately put Prior on the 60-day disabled list, retroactive to Game 6 of the 2003 NLCS.