Happy Belated One-Year Anniversary to FLP!

Happy birthday, FLP!

On October 3 of last year, FLP! was born. Before transferring over to Hire Jim Essian, The Bottom 126 had a modest following that has made HJE a mild success. Yay? Anyhow, thanks to everyone who’s been with me since the beginning, and thanks to those of you who followed the party over to HJE.


The Bottom 126 Continues on HireJimEssian.com!

I think there may be a fair number of you who have “The Bottom 126” tagged who may not have gotten the news that The Bottom 126 (along with the rest of this crazy operation) has moved to Hire Jim Essian! The content at the new domain is going to be virtually identical to the content here, so please update your bookmarks. Oh, and I also tagged this entry with every other tag, just in case you have one of those tagged. Hope to see you at the new site.

Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “We’re Moving” Edition

Okay, you guys. First of all, with all this “Jim Essian” nonsense, I didn’t get a chance for a Friday roundup. Instead, you can just go over to Desipio and get the same insulting effect.


…I’m sick of the pimple-faced, arrogant, bedwetting little cocksmoker who owns the “Fire Lou Piniella!” domain (please do NOT give him the pleasure of going to the actual site; I’ll save you the trip and tell you it’s an idiotic link to Cafe Press with a lot of shitty “Fire Lou!” crap) getting traffic on his site thanks to all of my work (screw you, Kermit). Plus, as Kermit mentioned, you freaks are multiplying like roaches, so it’s about damn time Kermit sacked up and got his own domain.

With that said, we’re taking this operation over to Hire Jim Essian! TJBrown deserves mounds and mounds and mounds of praise for coming up with idea for the domain. Guess what? He won’t get it from me. But Kermit told me to mention how much he appreciates not only TJ’s idea, but all of you idiots who keep coming over here and reading, making the new domain a worthwhile enterprise.

A few things about the new site:

  1. All of the old posts from this site have been transferred over there, so you can go ahead and update your bookmarks to the new site.
  2. I will still be contributing at the same frequency I was over here. Kermit extended my contract, so I’m making the move. The regular features, such as the Bottom 126, will continue over there.
  3. We’re in negotiations with Jim Essian, so hopefully we will have three contributors at the new place.
  4. TJ’s idea is particularly great, because we can adapt with the asshole who replaces me without having to get a new domain. As long as Essian doesn’t die.
  5. Kermit will try to figure out a way to get this site to redirect to the new one, but if he can’t (and, since he’s a retard, he probably won’t be able to), he wants me to beg you to come over to the new site. So, here goes. I will piss on your toothbrush if you don’t come to the new site.

I don’t hope to see you over there.

-Sweet Uncle Lou

Name That Blog!

Thanks to you fine folks, we’re starting to get a little bit of traffic at Fire Lou Piniella! What this means is that we should probably pursue our own domain name. Here is the problem. Both fireloupiniella.com and fireloupiniella.net are currently registered, and the owners of both sites don’t look to be giving them up anytime soon, even though the sites are pretty much profiting off this site. Don’t go look at them. Just trust me. I’ve tried all kinds of combinations, including firelou.com, among others. I don’t particularly want to have annoying dashes like fire-lou-piniella.com, nor do I want something too long like theofficialfireloupiniella.com (although I might change my mind on that one). Hell, even the misspelled fireloupinella.com is taken.

Here’s what I was thinking. Since you guys are the ones who have to read my nonsense, and since you are the ones who’ve kept me inspired to keep the blog updated, can you guys and gals help me come up with a new domain name?

Since I did this (poorly) with Dusty Baker, and since I’ll most likely continue to do this long after Lou is gone, I’ve been trying to brainstorm some type of generic domain, such as firethecubscoach.com. But, frankly, that sort of sucks.

So, I propose a “Name That Blog!” contest. The prize is nothing but the satisfaction of a job well done. So, you really have no incentive to do help, other than the fact that you might be tired of typing in the currently lengthy domain address. If you have an idea, let’s hear it in the comments section.

#76: Steve “A Bird in the Hand is Worth Two in the” Buechele

To be fair, Steve Buechele probably wasn’t as bad as you remember him. But to quote the great Walter Sobchak, “Fair? Fair? Who gives a shit about fair?” Find me 10 Cubs fans who watched the team in the early 90s, and I guarantee 9 of them will cringe when the hear the name “Steve Buechele.” You just cringed, didn’t you?

That’s MISTER Buechele to you.

Steve Buechele? Or Chick Gandil from Eight Men Out?

Buechele was the Cubs’ regular third baseman after coming over from Pittsburgh in 1992 in a trade which sent Danny Jackson to the Pirates. Buechele played badly enough that, by 1995, he was released by the Cubs in favor of Todd Zeile. I think that’s the dictionary definition of a “lateral move.”

A good portion of Buchele’s Cub career was spent walking from third base to the plate, taking three strikes, and walking back to third. The rest of his time was spent trying to return the ball to opposing batters with his foot. I’ll give him credit extra hate for having a bit of a Joey Gladstone thing going for him.

Cut it out, Steve. Cut. It. Out.

Low Point: From Buechele’s Wikipedia page, “the 25 times he was hit by a pitch is the 13th highest in the Rangers’ franchise history and his 73 grounded into double plays is the 14th highest.” They then point out that he’s eligible for the Texas Rangers’ Hall of Fame. Nice juxtaposition.

Did You Know? Buechele was one of the hosts and coaches for the Texas Rangers 2006 Media Spring Training. I’m not sure why media needs Spring Training, although I might hire Buechele to tell Gordon Wittenmyer to “take it down a notch.”

Sweet Uncle Lou’s Spring Training Diary: March 8, 2007

We won again. Yay. But our pitching sucks. Boo. But Soriano hit a leadoff homer. Yay. But he high-fives like a homo. Boo.

Give it up, you big stud!

“Don’t you guys still do the ass-patting thing over here?”

Honestly, if the pitching is going to be this crappy, I’d rather take an extra bat north than a 12th pitcher. I don’t mean a hitter. I mean a wooden bat. And not even a game bat. The one that Trammell uses to hit grounders to Ramirez (or, as Trammell and I call him, “Dorn”).

Speaking of pitching, Miller might be my fifth starter when the dust settles. Why? Did you see Prior pitch the other day? That kid is about as tough as an $80 steak, and as Mike Krukow points out, it’s time to stop putting baby powder on his candy ass. It’s time to put up or shut up, Golden Boy.

I hate walks. Hate ’em. It’s called “hitting,” not “walking,” dude. Nah, I’m just fucking with you. You should have seen the look on your face, though. I do hate walks, but I hate when our pitchers issue them, not when our batters take them. You know who else hates them? Zambrano. So, watch out, walks. If you see me and Big Z walking toward you on the street, you’d better just cross your ass over to the other side, put your head down, and just keep on movin’.

Mr. Fancy Pants Sissy Boy wrote an article about Miller being the 5th starter over at Desipio. If you’re not sick of all the bullshit he shovels around here, you might consider going over there to read it.

Well, I have to get going. I want to get a good seat in the dugout so I can watch Maddux picking his nose with reckless abandon throughout the whole game. Didn’t that guy ever learn there are cameras pointed at those dugouts?

-Sweet Uncle Lou

#77: Darren “and Stimpy” Lewis

If I were ever granted an interview with Darren Lewis, and I was only allowed one question, my question would be, “What was the whole thing with the lips?” While at bat, Darren Lewis looked like someone had just smeared peanut butter all over his gums. Maybe it was a ploy to distract us from the fact that he wasn’t going to make any attempt to actually hit the ball.


Seriously, does that smell like feta cheese to you?

Darren Lewis was a bad player on an atrocious 2002 Cubs team. If you can stomach it, click here and just take a slack-jawed gander at that roster. Wow. Not a lot to like there.

Lewis was a year ahead of his time. If anyone was a “Dusty Baker guy,” it was Lewis, with his lack of baseball talent, his reputation as a “speedy” guy, and his ability to play in day games. Unfortunately for Lewis, he joined the Cubs a year before Baker did. Unfortunately for Cubs fans, Lewis joined the Cubs at all.

Low Point: The last at-bat of a Major League player’s career has always fascinated me. Everyone hopes to go out on a walk-off, World Series-winning home run. What would be the exact opposite of that fairy tale ending? That would be the Darren Lewis ending. In his last at-bat in the Major Leagues, Lewis popped out on a bunt attempt. Lewis was traded the next day to the Pittsburgh Pirates for Chad Hermansen. Instead of going to the Pirates, Lewis retired. Yes, Pirates, playing for your team is a fate worse than baseball death. Not with a bang, but a whimper, eh, Darren?

Did You Know? Dusty Baker is such a fan of Lewis, that he named his son after him. His son Darren. But then, Dusty Baker is an idiot.

Who is Lou offending today?

Ozzie Guillen, mang.

How Angry Is Lou Today?

Lou! Hot as a Kerry Wood fastball.

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Older Posts

The Bottom 126 Cubs of My Lifetime

1. Todd Hundley

2. Neifi Perez

3. Alex Gonzalez

4. LaTroy Hawkins

5. Fred McGriff

6. Corey Patterson

7. Mel Rojas

8. Jeff Blauser

9. Antonio Alfonseca

10. Juan Pierre

11. Shawn Estes

12. Felix Heredia

13. Julian Tavarez

14. Kyle Farnsworth

15. Mark Prior

16. Kent Mercker

17. Moises Alou

18. Dave Veres

19. Jose Macias

20. Lenny Harris

21. Jose Hernandez

22. Jacque Jones

23. The Unnamed Pitchers of the 90s

24. Freddy Bynum

25. Jerry Hairston, Jr.

26. Scott Williamson

27. Tony Womack

28. Andy Pratt

29. Will Ohman

30. Phil Nevin

31. Jeff Fassero

32. Ronny Cedeno

33. Brant Brown

34. Roosevelt Brown

35. Jason Dubois

36. Wade Miller

37. Mark Guthrie

38. Sergio Mitre

39. Juan Cruz

40. Gabor Paul II Bako

41. Ryan Dempster

42. Mike Remlinger

43. Glendon Rusch

44. Nomar Garciaparra

45. Gary Matthews, Jr.

46. Matt Clement

47. Gary Gaetti

48. Bobby Hill

49. Benito Santiago

50. Jerome Williams

51. Roberto Novoa

52. David Kelton

53. Todd Wellemeyer

54. Shane Andrews

55. Darrin Jackson

56. Frank DiPino/Terry Francona

57. John Mabry

58. Curtis Wilkerson

59. Hee Seop Choi

60. Cesar Izturis

61. Rick Wilkins

62. Jon Garland

63. Augie Ojeda

64. Jerome Walton

65. Jae Kuk Ryu

66. Todd Hollandsworth

67. Karl "Tuffy" Rhodes

68. Willie Greene

69. Michael Tucker

70. Damon Berryhill

71. Jon Leicester

72. Mitch Webster

73. Curtis/Tom Goodwin

74. Jody Gerut

75. Jim Sundberg

76. Steve Buechele

77. Darren Lewis

78. Rey Ordonez

79. Marvell Wynne

80. Tyler Houston

81. Amaury Telemaco

82. Kevin Roberson

83. Damian Jackson

84. Doug Dascenzo

85. Ismael Valdez

86. Matt Karchner

87. Jeff Huson

88. Jose Nieves

89. Ross Gload

90. Chad Hermansen

91. Luis Salazar

92. Mike Hubbard

93. Delino DeShields

94. Matt Lawton

95. Howard Johnson

96. Rondell White

97. Turk Wendell

98. Ray King

99. Gary Scott

100. Steve Rain

101. Kevin Orie

102. Rey Sanchez

103. Francis Beltran

104. Paul Noce

105. Enrique Wilson

106. Ruben Quevedo

107. Damon Buford

108. Brooks Kieschnick

109. Damian Miller

110. Scott Bullett

111. Rick Aguilera

112. Chad Meyers

113. Gary Varsho

114. Jason Bere

115. Troy O'Leary

116. Chico Walker

117. Rick Wrona

118. Leo Gomez

119. Chris Stynes

120. Dan Plesac

121. Robert Machado

122. Julio Zuleta

123. Todd Zeile

124. Chad Fox

125. Adam Greenberg

126. Sandy Martinez

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